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Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I found out why my wife has been cold and distant lately. She went to a psycho fraudster - sorry, I mean "psychic medium" - who said I'm lusting after other women and am thinking about leaving her. She actually believed him. Now I'm considering leaving her for real. Well played, I guess. FML

by Anonymous / 12/06/2014 at 4:52pm / Belgium / Love

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

by Anonymous / 01/11/2010 at 1:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend asked my father for permission to marry me. My father refused, on the basis that I'm the only person in the house with a job, and if I leave he will have to start looking for work. My boyfriend won't marry me without his permission, and my lazy father won't change his mind. FML

by Anonymous / 10/07/2011 at 5:07am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my friend with me for a radiology scan. While I was getting injections, my friend muttered, "On the bright side, if you die, you'll glow in the dark at the funeral." FML

by radioactiveglowinthedarkthing / 10/10/2011 at 3:06pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Health

Today, I woke up to my 5-year-old standing over me with a pillow. I asked him what he was doing, and he replied that he and Steve were playing a game, but Steve said I have to be asleep for it. Steve is my son's imaginary friend. I'm convinced Steve wants to kill me. FML

by DrtySnchez / 08/18/2013 at 5:37am / United States (Georgia) / Kids

Today, my dad turned off our cable. The reason? His favorite character from The Walking Dead died. FML

by jfields2474 / 03/16/2015 at 12:37am / United States (California) / Geek

Today, at the restaurant I work at, my own mom refused to give a tip and complained to my boss. FML

by jackzz / 04/09/2015 at 3:55am / Vietnam (Dac Lac) / Work

Today, I got a call from a girl I fell madly in love with 8 years ago. She disappeared from my life with no trace. Turns out she just finalized her divorce, has 2 wild kids, packed on 75 lbs, has $25,000 in debt and is taking meds to keep from going crazy. Now she wants me back. FML

by Anonymous / 12/28/2009 at 12:03am / United States (Arizona) / Love

Today, since I'm too broke to get a new one, I had to duct tape my bra. FML

by liver / 03/18/2012 at 8:51pm / United States (California) / Money

Today, I was excited to get my first writing assignment since starting law school. I found out that I have to write a paper defending free speech. This wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have to defend the Westboro Baptist Church and if I weren't a former Marine. FML

by LawStudent / 09/19/2012 at 10:54am / United States (Indiana) / Miscellaneous

Today, me and some friends had home-made burgers for lunch. The guy who did the cooking later insisted that spitting in a frying pan is a perfectly acceptable way of guessing the right time to add the oil. FML

by HungerStrike / 12/29/2013 at 6:28pm / Czech Republic (Stredocesky kraj) / Health

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

by stitchesgirl12 / 04/07/2015 at 12:03pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.