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Today, I got a call from the girl I like. I got very excited so I quickly picked up. As it turns out, she was actually prank calling me, pretending to be a "liposuction telemarketer" but forgot to press *67. FML

#20980172
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40790) - you deserved it (2936)

On 12/04/2013 at 3:50am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

#6268866
32 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26581) - you deserved it (2935)

On 11/12/2009 at 2:14am - work - by FML (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I found out that the cause of the recent pain in my chest was that I had a torn muscle. What caused this? I sneezed. FML

#13093344
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24855) - you deserved it (2935)

On 09/18/2010 at 12:21am - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, while working at the bakery, I slipped on a pen. I dropped the pie rack I was holding full of pies right on my face. I now have a burn mark on my cheek that looks like a swastika. FML

#13466865
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28328) - you deserved it (2935)

On 10/16/2010 at 12:41am - work - by hannahj88 - Australia

Today, I was giving an anti-drugs speech to a group of ninth graders. I got onto the topic of trafficking from problem countries and asked a student to point out Mexico City on a map. He hesitated a few seconds before pointing at Canada. What the hell has the education system come to? FML

#17874852
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29842) - you deserved it (2935)

On 09/30/2011 at 10:55pm - kids - by jesus christ - United States

Today, I was stabbed in the chest. Not with a knife though, the under-wire from my bra escaped and stabbed me in the boob. FML

#19321337
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23465) - you deserved it (2935)

On 03/21/2012 at 5:06pm - misc - by J.O.S (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was supposed to go to Disneyland with my family, but I woke up with explosive diarrhea. So while they are at the happiest place on Earth, I'm stuck on this toilet left to imagine that the splash from my crap is a splash from splash mountain. FML

#7148108
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30306) - you deserved it (2934)

On 01/04/2010 at 5:20pm - health - by onthetoilet - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was told that I look like a cross between Roger Federer and Neil Patrick Harris. Apparently I have a big forehead and a squished face. FML

#13762185
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18826) - you deserved it (2934)

On 11/08/2010 at 5:32am - misc - by facingit (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, after a romantic dinner, movie, and stroll in the park, we had our first kiss. It would have been perfect, had a passerby not thrown rubbish at us for "unnecessary public display of affection." FML

#20194899
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22005) - you deserved it (2934)

On 12/07/2012 at 7:39am - love - by First Kiss - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I was denounced for being a terrible person, because my family raises chickens, some of which we eat. I was then told how cruel I am for "killing innocent birds" and that "good" people buy their meat from the supermarket. FML

#20623167
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47848) - you deserved it (2934)

On 04/26/2013 at 2:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Mexico (Baja California)

Today, I was skating in the city when I slipped and fractured my arm. As I was lying in pain, a guy walked up to me, frisked my pocket and took my wallet. He then said: "It's nothing personal." FML

#21281599
70 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36821) - you deserved it (2934)

On 10/20/2014 at 4:50am - misc - by ColdStones (man) - Norway (Hordaland)

Today, my college did a fire drill, and instructions were given by intercom in English and Spanish. The guy beside me mused: "If they say it in English and Mexican, why not say it in Black too?" That guy is my idiot brother, and he was dead serious. Sometimes I think our parents are related. FML

#21257016
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35395) - you deserved it (2934)

On 09/12/2014 at 4:47pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my husband fell asleep while cuddling. I didn't want to wake him, so I lay there for ages, trying to fall asleep. Just as I finally dozed off, my leg uncontrollably jerked and hit him in the nuts. He's convinced I did it deliberately as revenge for an argument we had 5 days ago. FML

#21355326
37 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27232) - you deserved it (2934)

On 02/13/2015 at 12:33pm - misc - by Innocence (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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