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Today, my boyfriend was such a coward that instead of breaking up with me, he changed his phone number. FML

by Anonymous / 03/01/2012 at 12:35am / United States (California) / Love

Today, I was chatting to a nice girl at the mall, and I said if she didn't get a raise, I would write to the management. She said they have no email address, and I replied that I meant an actual letter. "Like, on paper?" she said, "Damn, how old are ya, pops?" I want a ticket off this planet. FML

by S. Michaels / 03/14/2012 at 11:17am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I returned home from an extended vacation only to find out my cousin wasn't kidding when he said he was going to steal my boyfriend. I thought I was dating a straight guy. FML

by Anonymous / 07/03/2013 at 4:56pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, as if to prove that there is no end to the unspeakable stupidity of the human race, a patient was brought into my hospital, needing a cellphone removed from his anus. FML

by Anonymous / 09/08/2013 at 12:38pm / Switzerland (Bern) / Work

Today, my sister came out of her room sobbing uncontrollably. When I asked what was wrong, she put her fingers in my face and asked if they smelled like pickles, and if "that's normal for girls". They did. It's not. FML

by Carebeareatu / 09/14/2013 at 1:42am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, I got home early from work. When I got home I got to see my dad chasing my mom around the house, naked. FML

by ugh / 03/12/2010 at 1:05am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up late to an urgent voicemail from my dad telling me he left me a present in my car. Excited, I went to investigate. I then saw that his "surprise" was fresh fish he had caught. I hate fish, and now my car stinks. FML

by ~JESSICA~ / 09/11/2010 at 2:19am / United States / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend of four years broke up with me because he wanted some independence. He moved back into his parents house. FML

by independence / 07/07/2011 at 12:04am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I was shopping at Walmart, when I saw a really good deal on some bacon. Before I could take any, a huge-ass woman stormed over, kicked my cart down the aisle, and snatched every single packet for herself. And I actually got upset over this. FML

by wtf is wrong with my country / 05/08/2012 at 1:57pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was driving out to a concert I've been excited about for months. I was using my GPS to guide me to the venue. It decided to guide me to an abandoned warehouse in the middle of town. FML

by Anonymous / 08/15/2012 at 2:18am / United States / Transportation

Today, after a few weeks of my dad setting up glue traps in the garage to trap mice, I found out what it's like to have a pigeon wander in and get its foot stuck on one. FML

by Axelerate / 12/04/2014 at 6:09am / United States (Nevada) / Animals

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my fiancé of two years told me he was bored of me and he'd just prolonged the engagement to see if anyone more interesting would come along in the mean time. He was upset because no one did. FML

by Anonymous / 06/04/2009 at 10:46am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me telling me I have problems communicating and that I didn't understand her. When I asked her why she didn't talk to me about this before she said "I didn't want to talk about it." FML

by Anonymous / 06/18/2009 at 3:24am / United States (Ohio) / Love