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Today, I went on a date at a restaurant with a guy. When he promised I wouldn't have to pay the bill, I didn't think he meant we'd be dining and dashing. FML

#17888720
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27702) - you deserved it (3189)

On 10/02/2011 at 5:21pm - misc - by scared (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my friend and I were discussing music bands, and I asked who her favorite Queen member is. She looked at me like I was from another world and said, "I don't have a favorite British queen. That's like, so weird." FML

#20002229
182 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23760) - you deserved it (3189)

On 08/04/2012 at 1:15pm - misc - by fuckingbeliebers (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I found out how easy it is for people to get into my flat when I found bailiffs in my kitchen at 9am. They had picked the lock to look for someone who doesn't live at my address, but at least had the courtesy to tell me how to make my home more secure. FML

Today, I woke up at 3:00 am to the sound of a bird screeching. Turns out, my roommate bought a parrot without consulting me first. Even better, my roommate expects me to pay for half of the bird's expenses. FML

#21097210
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41924) - you deserved it (3189)

On 03/26/2014 at 7:44pm - animals - by In urgent need of a new roommate - United States (Oregon)

Today, I was complimented on my freckles. I don't actually have freckles, just a load of blackheads that won't go away. FML

#21322767
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28062) - you deserved it (3189)

On 12/23/2014 at 3:41pm - health - by eamiller (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, while entering the building I live in, I walked into my neighbor who winked at me and said last night must have been great. After I asked why, he said he could hear my girlfriend moaning and screaming, and that I must be pretty good at it. I was just coming back from a week overseas. FML

#4394245
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69487) - you deserved it (3188)

On 08/08/2009 at 9:56pm - intimacy - by ouch (man) - Brazil (Rio Grande do Sul)

Today, I went to move my dog that had been napping in the middle of my bed for the last few hours, only to discover that he wasn't napping. He died. FML

#12964017
281 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61012) - you deserved it (3188)

On 09/08/2010 at 3:23pm - animals - by jrad - United States (Georgia)

Today, I met my recently divorced mother's new boyfriend. He is missing teeth and has long hair and a mangy beard. Horrified, I left the room, only to hear my mother telling my sister, "The sex is phenomenal!" FML

#12550776
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32467) - you deserved it (3188)

On 08/16/2010 at 12:11am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my little brother discovered that bears can be very territorial and will pee on things to keep others away. He took this new found information to heart and peed on various things in the house that he wanted for himself, including my laptop. FML

#14774020
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35450) - you deserved it (3188)

On 01/30/2011 at 12:21pm - kids - by Joey - United States (California)

Today, it was my birthday. I got ONE birthday greeting: from my bank, telling me they were closing my account. FML

#14785892
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31157) - you deserved it (3188)

On 01/31/2011 at 8:55am - misc - by Micawber - Denmark (Hovedstaden)

Today, I was pointing out my car to my roommate. He responded with, "Oh that one with the broken window?" Turns out my car had been broken into. They took my CD player, GPS and Ipod. On top of that they left a Reese's Fastbreak wrapper and sunflower seeds on my front seat. FML

#7324506
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22381) - you deserved it (3187)

On 01/13/2010 at 7:08pm - misc - by Eli (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I called my boss and said "I have been awake since 3am throwing up." He replied with "Great, see you at 9" and hung up. FML

#14638505
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32477) - you deserved it (3187)

On 01/19/2011 at 12:31pm - work - by gb739 (man) - United States (New York)



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