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Today, my mom still hasn't gotten over the novelty of our brand new microwave. We've been eating hot pockets for nearly a week now. FML

by ladytyy / 07/27/2011 at 7:45pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

by tooembarassed / 02/03/2012 at 3:47pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I was fired for not asking a senior citizen for proof that he was over 21 and legally allowed to purchase alcohol. When I told my manager he was clearly over 21, he replied, "But what if he WASN'T?" FML

by Anonymous / 05/19/2015 at 7:43am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

by jons / 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, I had a basketball game against our rivals. Since the starting guard had a broken ankle, I felt happy that I could finally get playing time and prove that I'm good. Instead I had to run the scoreboard for the game, because the scoreboard guy was absent. FML

by Benchthewarmer / 07/08/2009 at 1:49am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom tried to give me advice on how to improve my looks. I scoffed at her but listened to her advice anyway. She ended her tirade with, "I just want you to get laid someday." FML

by Anonymous / 11/27/2009 at 4:45pm / United States (Idaho) / Intimacy

Today, I was stood up on a date. Her excuse? "I had to work out." FML

by Anonymous / 12/18/2010 at 3:33pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Love

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

by jordyn173 / 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

by Anonymous / 01/01/2013 at 2:50am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, at work, due to a mix up, I had to call an answering service. I am also from an answering service. We got the problem fixed but I couldn't hang up due to company policy. She couldn't hang up either. We both had to get our supervisors for permission to hang up. FML

by ring-a-ding-ding / 12/06/2014 at 12:18am / United States (Nevada) / Work

Today, I finally got up the courage to quit my first job. I spent hours determining the most professional way; the method, and the wording I would use. In the middle of the phone call, my manager hung up on me. FML

by anniemonkat / 07/13/2015 at 2:22am / United States (Ohio) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I'm a recovering alcoholic and drug addict. On new years, my mom called and asked what kind of champagne I want. FML

by / 01/01/2009 at 10:38am / Health

Today, my girlfriend decided to break up with me because she found a bra in my cupboard. It was hers. FML

by Wronged / 09/21/2009 at 6:53am / Singapore / Love