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Today, my bed fell through my floor. With me on it. FML

by wtf?? / 02/09/2015 at 8:26am / Saint Vincent and the Grenadines / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to the doctor for my yearly checkup. After getting my blood-pressure taken, my finger pricked, etc, the doctor began to ask me some questions. When asked if I was sexually active, I responded "Yes". The doctor started laughing. FML

by jons / 02/17/2009 at 4:54pm / United States (Connecticut) / Intimacy

Today, while at work, I suddenly went into diabetic shock. As I was nearly passed out on the floor, a customer yelled at me for not getting his coffee in time. FML

by Anonymous / 06/09/2011 at 10:25am / United States / Health

Today, after a week of not seeing each other, my boyfriend asked if he could come over and hang out. He only came because he ran out of food at his house. FML

by Anonymous / 02/13/2015 at 5:49pm / United States / Love

Today, my drunk sister came in my room at 2 in the morning, sat on the side of my bed, fell off, knocked over my glass of water, which ruined my new phone, then got angry at me for getting angry with her. She then slammed my door, which made all the photo frames smash to the ground. FML

by bethany / 11/03/2011 at 1:36pm / Australia / Miscellaneous

Today, I tasted a perfectly salted, crispy, and dead carpenter ant hidden in my bag of pistachios. FML

by ReluctantAntEater / 08/21/2014 at 5:48pm / Canada (Ontario) / Animals

Today, I was suffering from acid reflux. I was told that drinking water laced with baking soda would help. Nope, all it did was create a huge belch that made me vomit all over myself. FML

by Anonymous / 11/04/2015 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health

Today, I found a very large pumpkin super-glued to my car. It will not come off. FML

by Anonymous / 07/02/2011 at 12:46am / United States (Pennsylvania) / Transportation

Today, my fiancé broke off our engagement after he saw one of my baby pictures. He said our future kids just wouldn't look right. FML

by K3you / 07/04/2011 at 7:42pm / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, as my girlfriend and I were making out, I slowly took my clothes off and revealed my body to her for the first time. She looked, smiled, and said reassuringly, "Aww, don't worry. I know how it's supposed to look." FML

by whatswrongwithit?:( / 09/30/2012 at 3:37pm / United States (Illinois) / Intimacy

Today, I went on a date with the world's biggest lightweight. She got blind drunk on wine before dessert, and slurred, "You look like... like a black... blueberry." Amused, I said, "You mean a blackberry?" She stared at me for several long seconds, confused, then passed out. Check please. FML

by wowzer / 08/28/2014 at 3:58pm / Puerto Rico / Love

Today, I posted a photo on Facebook of me at a club with some friends. The first comment it got was "Just got a stiffy. 10/10." Thanks for that, dad. FML

by gali-ma / 02/07/2015 at 7:52am / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother babysat for me. He invited his girlfriend around without me knowing, and they were all playing hide and seek together. While he and his girl were hiding, they decided to have a quickie. My three year old found them and saw everything. She won't stop copying their sex noises. FML

by wtf bro / 05/20/2015 at 4:45am / Australia (Australian Capital Territory) / Intimacy