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Today, I was playing my bass clarinet around the house. I asked my dad if he would be at my concert on December 16th. His response was, "No, I'm working that day." My dad is a plumber, and gets called to work completely at random; he has no schedule. FML

#13693546
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26541) - you deserved it (3395)

On 11/02/2010 at 9:49pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

#17962463
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32524) - you deserved it (3395)

On 10/11/2011 at 8:19pm - intimacy - by dinosaucer - United States (Delaware)

Today, my mother came back from her trip to Vegas. Her breasts were obviously 2 letter sizes larger. I asked if she got a boob job and she denied it, saying that it's against her religion. She's an atheist, and a liar. FML

#20460160
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37554) - you deserved it (3395)

On 01/15/2013 at 12:45am - misc - by Brooke - United States (California)

Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML

#20889651
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50306) - you deserved it (3395)

On 09/21/2013 at 12:07am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Mississippi)

Today, my boss delivered some flowers and a sympathy card signed by everyone in the office to my cubicle. The card said, "Sorry your mom died". My mom isn't dead. I don't know where they got the idea from and no one believes me. They said that denial is part of grieving. FML

#21204205
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47328) - you deserved it (3395)

On 07/09/2014 at 5:37pm - work - by ninnang - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I was assigned to a group of four to brainstorm ideas for a project. One by one they listed their ideas, but when it was my turn they skipped me. They suddenly started a casual conversation with each other, oblivious of my existence, while I sat quietly between them for an hour. FML

#21494312
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21510) - you deserved it (3395)

On 11/19/2015 at 4:46am - work - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my boyfriend surprised me by showing up at my work and proposing to me. It was sweet until an angry customer bitched us out for "wasting her time." FML

#20141262
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28332) - you deserved it (3394)

On 10/31/2012 at 2:18am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, while driving my grandma home from a family dinner, I had to pull into a gas station, because my tank was almost empty. She became convinced that someone would kidnap her while I went to pay, and eventually threatened to blow us up by tossing her lighter at the gas pumps. FML

#20648219
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45542) - you deserved it (3394)

On 05/07/2013 at 6:13pm - misc - by fuckingjesusgran (man) - Bosnia and Herzegovina (Federation of Bosnia and Herzego)

Today, my husband's recent obsession with The Sopranos since James Gandolfini died went a step further into the ridiculous, when he tried to encourage some ducks to land in our swimming pool by throwing loaves of bread into it, while bellowing at them with a 'Noo Joisey' Wise Guy accent. FML

#20770230
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34575) - you deserved it (3394)

On 07/08/2013 at 7:57am - misc - by Not Mrs Soprano (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boyfriend took me to a very elegant and expensive restaurant to celebrate our anniversary. When it came to the check, I volunteered to pitch in half, which he rejected by saying "I got it". Little did I know was that "I got it" was short for "I got your credit card". FML

#20868496
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45520) - you deserved it (3394)

On 09/05/2013 at 3:24am - misc - by IGOTIT (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I had a family get-together for my birthday. I got to watch all my family members get piss-drunk and argue over who's having the worst time. FML

#20971273
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40421) - you deserved it (3394)

On 11/26/2013 at 11:43am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I went to my boyfriend's mom's house for the first time. They had a cook-out so I got to meet his whole entire family. I went into the kitchen to find a huge picture of his ex-girlfriend on his mom's fridge. FML

#11163519
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38323) - you deserved it (3393)

On 06/13/2010 at 3:48am - love - by Yup (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, while at the restaurant I work at, a bunch of kids came in. They all gave incredibly complex orders, laughed at everything I did, and made a huge mess by "spilling" hot sauce and water all over the floor. After they left, I was tipped eleven cents. FML

#12209813
187 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44191) - you deserved it (3393)

On 07/30/2010 at 4:00pm - work - by MLZ (woman) - United States (Ohio)



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