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Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

#17924502
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23312) - you deserved it (3065)

On 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

#18827705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29942) - you deserved it (3065)

On 01/16/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by Cathy - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27776) - you deserved it (3065)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64027) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48462) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

#21266215
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36599) - you deserved it (3065)

On 09/27/2014 at 4:16am - love - by nyx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend and I went on a 1 day cruise to the Bahamas. It happened to be on the same day of the worst sailing conditions. We spent 6 hours throwing up together. Him into the sink, and me into the toilet. We spent $200 to see the inside of our cabin's bathroom. FML

#8280638
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22883) - you deserved it (3064)

On 02/15/2010 at 12:03am - love - by SeaSick (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my boyfriend is only with me because he's in love with my sister, who turned him down repeatedly, and I'm the closest he can now get. FML

#14542249
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31470) - you deserved it (3064)

On 01/11/2011 at 4:45am - love - by Username -

Today, I wound up cleaning vomit out of the window track of my car at midnight, in the nicest dress I own, after my husband got completely wasted at his office Christmas party. FML

#18474443
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24878) - you deserved it (3064)

On 12/10/2011 at 5:14am - misc - by dee - United States (Oregon)

Today, I woke up to a disappointed boyfriend. He told me he spent an hour last night farting on my pillow to see if I would wake up with pink-eye. He's 23 years old. FML

#20170920
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25595) - you deserved it (3064)

On 11/20/2012 at 12:23pm - love - by Anonymous - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I discovered that my stepbrother has been telling his friends that I'm his girlfriend. FML

#20985907
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46547) - you deserved it (3064)

On 12/09/2013 at 12:57am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, my parents told me that they've been having a contest to see who could punish me the most this week. So far, my mom is in the lead by kicking me out of the car near railroad tracks, and making me walk the 4 miles home in the freezing rain. FML

#18145406
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41468) - you deserved it (3063)

On 11/03/2011 at 5:18am - misc - by Grounded (woman) - United States

Today, I was jogging around the neighborhood when I went past a bar. There were lots of drunk men outside telling me to come over so they could give me the night of my life. One of those men was my grandpa. FML

#18329245
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44302) - you deserved it (3063)

On 11/23/2011 at 5:58pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States



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