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Today, I was at a club and caught a cute guy's eye from across the bar. He smiled at me, got up and came over, then said "Oh shit! You looked way hotter from back there. Damn!" and walked away. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2014 at 8:33pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, due to the heat, I had a deadly asthma attack. Where was my inhaler? My dad pawned it for beer money. What did my dad do about my attack? Told me to quit being a Drama Queen. I had to go across the street and beg for a ride to the ER from my neighbor. FML

by asthmasucks / 09/19/2009 at 3:47am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I walked into work looking like I had peed myself, all because my husband thought it would be "hilarious" to slam on the brakes while I was drinking hot coffee. FML

by Anonymous / 05/27/2011 at 11:31am / United States (Tennessee) / Transportation

Today, my boyfriend and I went to a basketball game. A very pretty woman sat next to him. During the third quarter, the kiss cam came on. But it didn't show him and me, it showed him and the other girl. And they kissed. FML

by jordyn173 / 04/07/2012 at 11:19pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Love

Today, after coming home from school, I found that two birds have made a nest above the porch light. This wouldn't be a problem if they stopped attacking me every time I get within 5 feet of them. FML

by Locked Out / 05/14/2013 at 3:11pm / United States / Animals

Today, I was using a public toilet, when someone in the next stall reached under, grabbed at my low-hanging toilet paper and pulled at it at an insane speed, whispering some kind of weird chant. Then he suddenly stopped, screamed, and ran out. What the hell happened in there? FML

by Anonymous / 06/13/2013 at 12:01pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was stopped behind a pickup truck filled with junk. I told my friend that the person should have secured the junk better, since it looked like it would fall off any minute. My friend assured me it wouldn't. Right after she said that, a large piece of plywood fell off and hit my windshield. FML

by pickuptruckblues / 11/16/2014 at 11:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Transportation

Today, I was walking down the hall from the livingroom. I overheard my mom telling someone how proud she was of her baby girl and how much she loved her. I thought she was referring to my first ever all "A" report card. Turns out my new kitten used its litter box correctly for the first time. FML

by Anonymous / 10/25/2009 at 12:09pm / United States (Kentucky) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend told me how he used to collect little things when he was younger. He then decided to tell me about his current big toe nail collection. FML

by Anonymous / 12/27/2009 at 5:34pm / United States / Love

Today, my boyfriend of 3 years saw baby wipes in my bathroom and assumed I had a kid. He broke up with me. I use baby wipes to take off my makeup. FML

by notababymama / 02/07/2010 at 12:41pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my sister and I drove 800 miles with her five-year-old, her two-year-old, and her two dogs. The two-year-old got carsick five times, adding an extra three hours to the trip. The kickers? My sister is sympathy spewer and neither of them chews food very well. FML

by longdrive / 07/25/2010 at 2:17am / United States (Arizona) / Kids

Today, after disappearing for an unusually long period of time, my boss called the store phone while sitting on the toilet. Turns out she'd started bleeding uncontrollably from the arse, and as the only other female staff member, she needed me to go help her. FML

by Anonymous / 02/28/2011 at 1:29pm / United Kingdom (Bristol) / Work

Today, I was telling my best friend that I was feeling unattractive, and that I never get asked out. As she was trying to make me feel better, we were interrupted by a stranger trying to hit on her. FML

by ugly / 06/11/2012 at 8:01am / Australia / Love