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Today, I woke up to the news that my son had put the cat in the dryer the night before. He didn't turn it on, and the cat is just fine, but now I need a new dryer so my clothes won't smell like cat urine. FML

#7477467
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28233) - you deserved it (3066)

On 01/21/2010 at 4:40pm - kids - by nocatlover (man) - United States

Today, my wife threatened to end our relationship if I didn't skip work and stay at home. She's into astrology, and apparently when one of those money-grubbing frauds writes "betrayal will come from someone close to you", it's reason enough to suspect that I'll cheat on her. FML

#18553811
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26597) - you deserved it (3066)

On 12/19/2011 at 3:08pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got stuck in an elevator. The help-line tells me, "Don't touch the door. We'll be there soon". Two hours later, I've got a headache, my legs are stiff and my date must think I stood her up. The tech finally arrives, pries the door open, then rudely asks, "Why didn't you do that yourself?" FML

#5272541
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38491) - you deserved it (3065)

On 09/15/2009 at 1:16pm - misc - by Stuckism (man) - Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)

Today, I was stripped of my starting position on my high school basketball team. The reason? I was three minutes late to practice. Why was I late? My coach called me five minutes before practice and made me get him a coffee or else he wouldn't start me. FML

#14430499
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36753) - you deserved it (3065)

On 01/01/2011 at 10:21pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife and I received confirmation that she has postpartum depression. When sharing this with the family, my mother exclaimed "I told you she was a psycho!" Now my wife is crying louder and more often than our newborn. Thanks, mom. FML

#14383420
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35248) - you deserved it (3065)

On 12/29/2010 at 3:03pm - health - by ppd_sucks (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my boss called me into his office to proudly show me about an hour's worth of videos of his recent holiday. The videos were all of goats and cows eating grass outside his window in Pakistan. FML

#16324366
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27449) - you deserved it (3065)

On 05/24/2011 at 3:31am - work - by goatvideosarelame (man) - Singapore

Today, my car got acquainted with about 3 dozen eggs. FML

#17924502
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23311) - you deserved it (3065)

On 10/06/2011 at 11:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out why I find damp spots on my favorite jacket. I appears that my dog often becomes very intimate with it. FML

#18827705
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29941) - you deserved it (3065)

On 01/16/2012 at 7:33pm - animals - by Cathy - United States

Today, the last few seconds of my 2011 was spent staring at my drunk, naked uncle pouring olive oil over himself and rubbing it in. FML

#18670300
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27771) - you deserved it (3065)

On 01/01/2012 at 1:18am - misc - by Scarred4Life - United States (Maryland)

Today, it's my 17th birthday, and the first birthday since my mother died, leaving me to live with my previously-absent father. He gave me pretzels and a laser pointer, and said, "Happy birthday, fuckstick". One more year. FML

#20581667
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64021) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/09/2013 at 12:59am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada

Today, I got ancestry DNA tests for my parents and myself. The DNA testing company informed me that I'm a 50% match for my mother but I share no DNA with my father. Apparently, both my parents forgot that they used a sperm donor. This insignificant detail has slipped their minds for 35 years. FML

#20600180
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48456) - you deserved it (3065)

On 04/17/2013 at 6:56pm - misc - by Flora (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend asked me to marry him. When I happily told my dad, he kept asking if I'd consider taking back my ex. FML

#21266215
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36594) - you deserved it (3066)

On 09/27/2014 at 4:16am - love - by nyx (woman) - United States (California)

Today, despite all of the empty seats on the bus, a man sat next to me. So close to me that our legs touched. After a few moments of silence, he got closer and whispered in my ear, "You're so quiet." FML



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