Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I was fired for using violence and intimidation in the work place. I was a bouncer at a strip club. FML

by John / 06/30/2012 at 1:08am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, I sat in my hotel room bathroom in dead silence for 30 minutes while I waited for the cleaning staff to stop watching TV and drinking beer from the minibar, so that I could finish using the toilet. FML

by mn051299 / 02/10/2016 at 4:09am / Switzerland (Schwyz) / Miscellaneous

Today, my ex girlfriend that I still love sent me a text, quote "I still love you, but i'm not IN love with you" Um, what? FML

by wtf / 01/07/2009 at 2:23pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy

Today, I was at work in a lab. I spent all day growing a large bacterial culture. I went to retrieve it, only to find that someone had turned the incubation shaker up too high, and my flask had flown off and shattered. Not only did I lose all my work, but now the whole room is a biohazard. FML

by startingover / 07/18/2009 at 3:46pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Work

Today, I learned how unhappy my husband is in our marriage. Apparently he also can't find a good woman. We didn't have a heart-to-heart, I read his woes in a blog. FML

by S. Tucker / 06/07/2011 at 5:28am / United States / Love

Today, my dog threw up on my bed while I was sleeping. I lost an hour of the day washing the vomit out with a rag, and my garbage disposal jammed on whatever otherworldly things my dog ate the day before. I had to dig it out by hand. FML

by good_gravy / 02/20/2012 at 2:39pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Animals

Today, in the middle of my online midterm, my computer decided to update and closed out of the test. It can't be retaken. FML

by failure / 07/12/2012 at 12:08pm / United States (Minnesota) / Miscellaneous

Today, while I was at work, I was on the verge of tears. My coworker asked what was wrong and I explained that I recently had to put my dog down. He then replied, "Cool story, bro. Tell it again." FML

by CoolStoryBro / 03/29/2013 at 4:23am / Work

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

by Awahso / 10/16/2013 at 5:42pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

by little_star78 / 11/13/2013 at 6:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my brother and I were talking about Ebola, when he says he would love to have the disease because of how famous it would make him. Plus, his college essays about him "fighting through the disease" would be "phenomenal". FML

by Anonymous / 10/15/2014 at 12:55am / United States (California) / Health