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Today, my father described me as "the sort of sucker women marry then cheat on all the time." My mother agreed with him. FML

by Anonymous / 10/16/2014 at 1:07pm / United States (Michigan) / Love

Today, my boyfriend convinced me to face my fear of horror movies by promising to hold my hand through the entire flick. He fell asleep 10 minutes into it, farting and snoring in his sleep, whilst I was paralysed by fear. FML

by Anonymous / 09/12/2015 at 4:50pm / United Kingdom (Essex) / Miscellaneous

Today, my doctor told me my ankle has been fractured since last week. I've been helping drywall the basement, and trying to walk up and down stairs for a week. My husband has been telling me to man up, and it's not that bad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2009 at 2:12pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, my girlfriend blew up at me for a comment I had made several weeks ago about not wanting kids. Then, she told me that she's pregnant. After consoling her and telling her that whatever we do, we'll do it together, she further explained that she's not sure if it's mine. FML

by Anonymous / 03/05/2010 at 7:54am / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, I was dumped by the guy who serenaded me with his guitar and admitted he had feelings for me. Why? Because the girl who had continuously been rejecting him for so long finally decided to give him a chance. FML

by drfrogpepper / 01/01/2011 at 6:50pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, my boyfriend moved. He moved from my room... to my housemate's room. FML

by SkinsCastSelection / 01/17/2011 at 5:50pm / France / Love

Today, my mother tried to tell me that nicotine is the only substance that ensures weight loss, and that nicotine has been passed down in our family for over 5 generations of heavy smoking relatives. Then she encouraged me to start smoking. FML

by Caeru / 06/21/2011 at 3:08am / United States (Texas) / Health

Today, my friend showed off her new tattoo, which is supposed to say "bad bitch" in Italian, and I had to point out that it actually says "defective female". Her response was to cuss me out and inform me that I'm no longer part of her social circle. FML

by tubby / 06/21/2012 at 4:28pm / Sweden (Blekinge Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I realized that I spend more money on gas to go to my job than what I get paid. FML

by izziegrl / 09/24/2012 at 2:21pm / Mexico (Mexico) / Money

Today, I had my first orgasm. I also came to the realization that whenever I orgasm I get an uncontrollable case of hiccups for at least half an hour afterwards. FML

by hiccups / 11/03/2012 at 11:52am / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I received a note from my creepy ex, whom I broke up with two years ago, saying how much he still misses me. I live over 100 miles away from him now. The note was hand-delivered to my new address. FML

by joolsie / 05/15/2013 at 7:45pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, I had to buy a new boxcutter for work after our old one broke. It came in a box, the type which policy requires a boxcutter to open. FML

by Awahso / 10/16/2013 at 5:42pm / United States (Georgia) / Miscellaneous

Today, while showering in my dorm, a hand reaches through the curtain and grabs my ass. I hit the person on the other side of the curtain. He opened the curtain thinking that I was his girlfriend. He apologized and he had sex with his girlfriend in the shower stall next to me. FML

by Noname / 03/11/2009 at 3:37am / United States (Washington) / Intimacy