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Today, I woke up in the middle of the night feeling sick. I went to the bathroom and knelt in front of the toilet, waiting to throw up. When I finally did, I violently shit my pants at the same time. I was at my friend's house. FML

#17714662
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36935) - you deserved it (2957)

On 09/10/2011 at 9:54pm - health - by sadddddd (woman) - Canada (New Brunswick)

Today, my demented asswipe of a lab partner thought it'd be funny to replace the birthday gift I bought for my girlfriend with the large intestine of a recently-dissected dog. My girlfriend nearly fainted when she opened the gift box, and accused me of planning the whole thing. FML

#20752461
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43231) - you deserved it (2957)

On 06/28/2013 at 1:34pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Nigeria (Lagos)

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

#20953468
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34845) - you deserved it (2957)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:17am - misc - by PainStressLife - United States (California)

Today, a drunken guest in the hotel I work at has barricaded himself in the employee restroom and refuses to come out, unless I "promise to love him forever." It's 4am and I'm the only one here. FML

Today, I've spent far too long on hold to Apple customer support. Unfortunately the only thing to come from it is I now have "Call me maybe" stuck in my head. FML

#21325140
41 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24829) - you deserved it (2957)

On 12/27/2014 at 5:12am - misc - by still on hol - United Kingdom (Essex)

Today, I met my girlfriend's parents for the first time over dinner. In order to make a good impression I was as polite as possible and tried to be as engaging as I could. Near the end of dinner my girlfriend's mom says, "I liked your old boyfriend better." FML

#785377
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57146) - you deserved it (2956)

On 04/03/2009 at 4:48pm - misc - by str3tch - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I met my husband's old high school sweetheart. My mother-in-law introduced me to her as "one of my son's friends." We've been married for over eight years. FML

#16771812
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36489) - you deserved it (2956)

On 06/20/2011 at 10:40pm - love - by minnEmouse (woman) - United States

Today, our electric horse fence broke. I turned it off so I could fix it. As I was grabbing the fence, my brother thought it would be hilarious to turn the fence back on. FML

#17766794
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27690) - you deserved it (2956)

On 09/17/2011 at 7:42pm - animals - by ouch (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friend started choking while at a Hard Rock Cafe. I jumped up and tried to give her the Heimlich maneuver, only for her to throw up all over the table and stagger out of the place. I stood there as the waiter asked if I wanted to split the bill. FML

Today, I was late to dinner with my anal-retentive parents because my boyfriend was too busy making cock puppets in the shower to get ready to go. FML

#8339859
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15161) - you deserved it (2955)

On 02/16/2010 at 2:20pm - intimacy - by tacolove69 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up to shit on my floor and my cat hiding under my comforter. I have to get rid of my new fish because my cat is afraid of it. FML

#13581194
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22435) - you deserved it (2956)

On 10/24/2010 at 8:36pm - animals - by danjoylovefun - United States (Colorado)

Today, I offered an elderly man my seat on the train. He thanked me by winking and offering me a seat on his lap. FML

#19387576
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21594) - you deserved it (2955)

On 04/01/2012 at 9:53am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I had to listen to fellow classmates whine about selling one of their many houses, while I can barely afford to pay for a $100 textbook. FML

#20987288
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42606) - you deserved it (2955)

On 12/10/2013 at 1:04am - money - by thefifthdoctor - United States (Washington)



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