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Today, I took a girl I like to the movies. Everything went great until I went in to kiss her. She didn't object, but my mother, who apparently followed me to the theater and was now pulling me away by my shirt while saying, "We're leaving!" certainly did. FML

#13235832
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38797) - you deserved it (3022)

On 09/28/2010 at 1:35pm - misc - by Jake - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my mother resolved to never visit McDonald's again. Not because of ethics or health concerns, but because they charged her for extra barbecue sauce. She bitched out the man in the drive-through for a good five minutes, while I sat awkwardly in the passenger's seat. FML

#17018036
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29091) - you deserved it (3022)

On 07/07/2011 at 7:07pm - misc - by AgentFreshers (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my "friends" set me up on a blind date with a guy who according to their description, sounded perfect in just about every way. He turned out to be my obsessive ex, and this is their idea of a funny prank. FML

#20402162
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31193) - you deserved it (3022)

On 12/16/2012 at 2:15pm - love - by lovelychris - Brazil (Sao Paulo)

Today, I was working as the shift manager at my job at a fast food restaurant. Our company policy states that all employees must be clean shaven before coming to work. I had to inform one of the employees, Kris, that they had to shave before clocking in. Kris is a woman. FML

#766931
135 comments

I agree, your life sucks (64806) - you deserved it (3021)

On 04/02/2009 at 2:21pm - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finished my position paper for my social studies class and read it to my mom to get her opinion on it. After I'm done reading it, she asks me if I copied it from somewhere because it sounded very professional and smart, and it didn't sound like me. FML

#7313469
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24061) - you deserved it (3021)

On 01/13/2010 at 1:08am - misc - by SMRT (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I got my car back from the shop. The engine has been rebuilt twice in the past 3 months. My check engine light just came on. FML

#14574374
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22377) - you deserved it (3021)

On 01/14/2011 at 2:38am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I had to go along with my mom to meet some of her old friends from high school. When they asked her about how her life was going, she said she was married, always traveling, no kids, and introduced me as the neighbor's kid she babysits. FML

#12498978
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40718) - you deserved it (3021)

On 08/13/2010 at 12:28pm - kids - by Bullet - United States

Today, I was walking down the street when I heard a loud splashing noise to my right. I looked over only to see a woman not squatting but bending over, spreading her cheeks, peeing a horse-sized amount of pee. I can't un-see this. FML

#9143571
210 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38047) - you deserved it (3021)

On 03/16/2010 at 9:34pm - misc - by disturbed (man) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I was really sick. I had been sneezing all day and my skin had started to dry out. When my mom asked me if I needed anything, I immediately responded with "lotion and tissues," not realizing what I was suggesting. She then talked to me for 20 minutes about how "masturbation is okay." FML

#19650159
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26655) - you deserved it (3021)

On 05/20/2012 at 2:11am - intimacy - by sick and awkward - United States (Maryland)

Today, a homeless man tried to sell me a "magic, one-finger glove". It was a used condom. FML

#19838531
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32535) - you deserved it (3021)

On 06/24/2012 at 10:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I learned that the house I've been living in and paying rent for the past two months was never advertised as vacant. I learned this when the actual homeowners walked in, and called the police for an "intruder." FML

#21291174
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35973) - you deserved it (3021)

On 11/03/2014 at 10:54am - money - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Bath and North East Somerset)

Today, I found out that the only reason my parents have been letting me hang out with my friends so late is so they can search my room for drugs. FML

#21395867
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28484) - you deserved it (3021)

On 04/18/2015 at 7:55pm - misc - by Armstrong (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, was my wedding day. Right before I walked down the aisle in my gorgeous white dress the woman who did my makeup saw a blemish. She went to squirt concealer on her finger and squirted the orange concealer all over my dress. FML

#3503647
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56440) - you deserved it (3020)

On 07/05/2009 at 12:48pm - love - by squirt (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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