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Today, I found out that my employers hired me under the assumption that I was gay. Apparently, they are attempting to be perceived as more open-minded. I'm not gay, but I'm afraid being straight could cost me my job. FML

#12872316
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32941) - you deserved it (3103)

On 09/02/2010 at 5:09pm - work - by confused (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, the fire alarm went off in my dorm. Not only was it 30 degrees outside, but I was in the shower. FML

#15817809
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31900) - you deserved it (3103)

On 04/17/2011 at 3:25am - misc - by wellhellothere (woman) - United States (Michigan)

Today, my crush and I were volunteering at a local farm. He confessed to me that I'm one of the most beautiful girls he's ever seen. Just as he leaned in to kiss me, I lost my footing and fell into a pile of horse shit. He just stood there, pointing and laughing. FML

#20109154
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26748) - you deserved it (3103)

On 10/09/2012 at 2:43pm - love - by FarmerGirl - Canada (Quebec)

Today, a hornet thought it would be fun to fly into a candle that I had lit. As the hornet burned to death, it flung its charred body at my face, which is more painful than it sounds. FML

#20936891
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39824) - you deserved it (3103)

On 10/28/2013 at 4:18pm - misc - by Asshole hornet - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was speeding home, bursting to take a crap. I pulled into my driveway and made it inside, before my wife told me the plumber was still working on our pipes. I ended up having to take a crap in my own backyard, behind a tree. FML

#21298320
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32769) - you deserved it (3103)

On 11/13/2014 at 1:01pm - health - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, I walked into my new maths class. I stepped inside only to be yelled at by the teacher for nearly 15 minutes. I was then told never to enter her class again and was sent to the principal. My identical twin brother was in her class the period before me. He also has a thing for older women. FML

#4329810
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62359) - you deserved it (3102)

On 08/06/2009 at 6:10am - misc - by slamo (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, the little boy I nanny for finally stood up and went 'pee-pee on the potty'. I started cheering and clapping, making a big deal out of it. I flushed while he smiled proudly and pooped on the floor. FML

#7278236
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25807) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/11/2010 at 1:08pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, a neighbor came by while I was cooking. She asked for some of my cheese, so I gave her a big slice and told her I only had cheddar. She angrily refused to accept the slice, and made her way to my fridge. She then yelled at me for not having an assortment of cheeses. FML

#18253335
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33609) - you deserved it (3102)

On 11/15/2011 at 3:40am - misc - by SetoAyumi - United States (California)

Today, in the senior class I teach, I asked my students who had traveled outside of the country, excluding Canada and Mexico. One student raised his hand and proudly stated, "Arizona". He wants to be a doctor. FML

#17980491
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28800) - you deserved it (3102)

On 10/14/2011 at 2:42am - kids - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)

Today, my boss called me over to his office; he wanted me to fire four hardworking employees. One of them was the girl I was going to ask out. FML

#20447887
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38910) - you deserved it (3102)

On 01/08/2013 at 11:40am - work - by AnonUser464 (man) - United States

Today, I was training for my new job at a restaurant. As part of training, they give you free food so you know what to reccommend, and the dish I got was really good. Eight hours later I saw it again while I was puking; I got food poisoning from my own place of work. FML

#914179
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50045) - you deserved it (3101)

On 04/11/2009 at 12:12pm - work - by newhostess (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I was getting on a bus, the driver shut the door on me while I was half way inside. Instead of apologizing to me, he criticized me for getting in the way. FML

#6049561
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29997) - you deserved it (3101)

On 10/29/2009 at 12:15am - misc - by insignificant (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my husband managed to set fire to half of our garden setting up mosquito repellents. FML

#20802186
44 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37919) - you deserved it (3101)

On 07/25/2013 at 12:10am - misc - by how (woman) - United States (Virginia)



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