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Today, I received my graduation gift, a bath robe, from my parents. My have two older sisters also graduated. The first one got a Tiffany's bracelet, the second one got a plane ticket to Europe. FML

by dileigh / 03/10/2009 at 2:37pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Transportation

Today, I learned that even though they say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away, it doesn't keep him from putting a Q-tip up your ass. FML

by captainkevineff / 03/11/2010 at 9:44am / United States / Health

Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML

by nevergonnatrust / 11/18/2010 at 4:23am / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend's mother who lives with us decided that since I work from home, it would be a good idea for her to stay home and keep me company. "Keeping me company" includes ordering me to make her food, gossiping non stop, and ridiculing me for not being the woman that she always saw her son marrying. FML

by Anonymous / 01/21/2011 at 5:50pm / United States (Florida) / Love

Today, I was driving home through the middle of nowhere when a screw punctured my car tire. I arrived at the town's only auto shop to find that it had closed early. Frantic, I dialed the emergency number listed on the shop's locked door. On the other side of the glass, a phone began to ring. FML

by Anonymous / 07/08/2009 at 11:24am / United States (Massachusetts) / Transportation

Today, my little brother was playing with my cat, getting it to chase a laser pointer. He thought it would be funny to shine the laser pointer over my nuts. FML

by Anonymous / 01/31/2010 at 10:16pm / United States (Connecticut) / Health

Today, me and a couple of friends decided to go camping in a national park . When we got there, a ranger came up to us and said, "There have been many sightings of coyotes, don't worry, if they charge you, they'll bluff and flee at the last moment." We met a coyote, it didn't bluff. FML

by Coyote / 05/17/2010 at 7:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Animals

Today, out of all the cars in the parking lot, mine got struck by lightning. FML

by A. / 10/14/2010 at 3:15am / United States / Transportation

Today, I found out that my stalker ex-girlfriend named her new born son after me. FML

by cjy152 / 09/21/2011 at 10:44am / United States (Ohio) / Love

Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML

by Lizzielollipop816 / 02/18/2010 at 1:38am / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

Today, my daughter watched a potty training video on Sesame Street. In the middle of the video, she got up and ran to her potty to practice. She then announced, "All done!", and proudly closed the lid to her potty. She then immediately stood on top of it and peed. FML

by Mommy / 09/29/2010 at 6:47pm / United States (New Jersey) / Kids

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. My husband and I are divorcing because HE had an affair. He now wants a paternity test. FML

by preggers / 11/29/2010 at 2:20pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I learned that my girlfriend is cheating on me when she was arrested for having sex in public. Not with me though. FML

by ken / 07/19/2011 at 3:40am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy