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Today, my parents walked in on me, having sex. No, I wasn't having sex. They were. FML

by Anonymous / 03/30/2015 at 6:30am / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend was upset, so I tried to cheer her up by telling her how much I love her and how beautiful she is. After a minute, her face started to light up. I thought it had worked until I realized that she was being cheered up by the friends she was talking to online. FML

by Anonymous / 06/23/2009 at 10:50pm / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

by callerid / 08/03/2009 at 7:45am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 11:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, due to nervousness, I threw up while proposing to my girlfriend. FML

by Anonymous / 04/23/2012 at 5:51am / United States / Love

Today, I had the questionable honor of explaining the difference between "your" and "you're" to my boss, and very diplomatically make her see why her poor grasp of language could affect our credibility as a communication agency. I'm Swedish, and English is my third language. She's American. FML

by grammarnazi-forareason / 07/03/2013 at 2:48am / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Work

Today, a customer wanted a military discount for buying two 39 cent Slim Jims. I work at an auto parts store. FML

by luvmypony / 08/26/2013 at 1:51am / United States (California) / Work

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

by Colby / 11/15/2013 at 11:59am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boss made me cover for him by working two extra hours, because he had to rush home early to deal with an "emergency". The emergency was taking a shit, because he claims to have a phobia of doing them anywhere but at home. FML

by AFSDALK:AFSDQWE / 11/23/2013 at 1:33pm / United States (Oregon) / Work

Today, my nurse girlfriend told me she's more attracted to the veins in my arm than any other part of me. FML

by veiny / 04/21/2015 at 9:48am / United States (Tennessee) / Love

Today, I found a video of my girlfriend having sex with her male best friend on her computer. When I confronted her about it she said it was from before we met. In the video, she was wearing the engagement ring I bought her. FML

by Anonymous / 09/27/2010 at 11:20am / Canada (Ontario) / Intimacy

Today, I caught my boyfriend of two years cheating on me. Instead of the usual excuses, he panicked and claimed he was my boyfriend's long-lost twin brother. He even tried to put on a fake accent. FML

by Anonymous / 09/19/2011 at 10:26am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

Today, my wife, who is four months pregnant, burst into tears while thinking about the armchair in our living room that we never use. According to her, we're stopping it from living out its destiny as an armchair. FML

by FauteuilEver Alone / 07/05/2012 at 4:11am / France / Miscellaneous