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Today, my roommate demanded that I dance naked for him as a birthday present. When I declined, he offered to pay me. When I declined again, he stormed off to pout in his room and played really loud depressing music. We're both guys and I have 11 months left on my lease with him. FML

#17373472
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44443) - you deserved it (3569)

On 08/05/2011 at 12:46am - intimacy - by Creeped_out_n_stuck (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I got a lecture about being lazy and not being active enough for my age, which ended with, "When I was your age, I was out every night having sex with anything that breathed." Thanks Gran. FML

#19745357
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29718) - you deserved it (3569)

On 06/06/2012 at 5:37pm - intimacy - by BrianTheLion89 - United States

Today, I burned my hand while making breakfast. As I staggered around the kitchen in agony, looking for some burn cream, my cat figured he'd latch onto said hand and drag his claws through the burn. FML

Today, I went into work happy about my supervising promotion. When I arrived at work, I realized that only one person had decided to come into work today, which meant I had to clean 15 rooms, and supervise myself. FML

#2214094
47 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40699) - you deserved it (3568)

On 05/23/2009 at 4:20pm - work - by jend (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my boyfriend told me one of the main reasons he started dating me was because I have the same name as his ex, whose name he has tattooed on his back. FML

#14034734
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37700) - you deserved it (3568)

On 11/30/2010 at 10:50am - love - by tattooed (woman) - Ireland (Dublin)

Today, I found out the reason my boyfriend dumped me was because his parents don't like the fact that I go to a prestigious university. However, they're completely accepting of the drunken slob who's dating their daughter. FML

#15294376
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36891) - you deserved it (3568)

On 03/13/2011 at 3:17pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Sheffield)

Today, my girlfriend started a month-long period of not talking to me. One of her male friends, who is a self-styled astrologist, told her there are "bad omens" in our relationship for the coming weeks. I don't know if I should dump her for being gullible or just plain stupid. FML

#18943395
184 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27466) - you deserved it (3568)

On 01/29/2012 at 2:10pm - love - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I went out on a date with a girl. Everything was going well until I shared how my family was affected by the 2010 earthquake in Haiti. She immediately got up and left, calling me a liar. Apparently, I'm "too cute" to be of Haitian descent. What the hell? FML

Today, I had to wake my mom up. While she was naked. On the toilet. FML

Today, I discovered the worst possible situation in which to get explosive diarrhea: on a 9-hour transatlantic flight. Next to an attractive single guy. FML

#1094822
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69039) - you deserved it (3567)

On 04/18/2009 at 7:11pm - health - by crapgirl (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I asked my wife for her computer password because my computer crashed. After minutes of begging she finally told me. Turns out that her password happens to be her ex's name. FML

#14227030
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32280) - you deserved it (3567)

On 12/16/2010 at 7:20pm - love - by expassword (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my dog figured out she can wipe her butthole on my walls after having squeezed out a turd or two. FML

#20905661
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41462) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/03/2013 at 4:26am - animals - by hoo flung pu - United States

Today, before work, I was quickly cleaning when I tripped and the side of my neck hit the countertop, causing a dark bruise. During work, people wouldn't stop giving me high fives for getting laid and I was too embarrassed to tell them truth that I'm not desirable, just clumsy. FML

#21277907
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32690) - you deserved it (3567)

On 10/14/2014 at 8:13pm - misc - by ForeverAlone - United States (South Dakota)



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