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Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

by pandaboo / 07/29/2010 at 1:29pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous

Today, the ex-girlfriend I'm still in love with sent me an old picture with the caption, "I miss us." She looked beautiful and happy. Too bad I'm not the guy she's kissing in the picture. FML

by SadGuy / 04/26/2011 at 2:18am / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my 6-year-old son pooped in the back yard and used a stick to throw it over the fence into my neighbor's yard. FML

by fionnathehuman / 10/09/2012 at 6:56pm / United States / Kids

Today, my new deodorant caused an allergic reaction, covering my armpits in a painful rash. I've had to awkwardly waddle around all day with my arms splayed outwards to get any relief. One customer at work sarcastically mentioned that it's nice that they're hiring penguins these days. FML

by _/ | \_ / 10/06/2013 at 1:40pm / Singapore / Health

Today, my roommate revealed that the reason he's so grumpy is because he hasn't gotten laid in a year. I'm his only female friend, and the entire time he talked to me, he stared at my chest. FML

by Anonymous / 10/20/2009 at 11:42pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, my 4 year old cousin is staying overnight. Every time I fall asleep he wakes me up to tell me I fell asleep. FML

by Braelynn / 01/26/2011 at 2:48am / Kids

Today, I brought my girlfriend home for the first time to meet my parents. They were having a heated argument because my mom had bought "the wrong toilet paper" and my dad was angry because "she should know that he has a sensitive anus". FML

by Sonofa / 05/17/2013 at 11:52am / Canada (Alberta) / Miscellaneous

Today, my brother broke his mountain bike, so he stole mine, and managed to break it as well. Then he made some kind of franken-bike out of parts from both, and messed that one up too. FML

by jfc, how just how / 05/19/2013 at 3:56pm / United Kingdom (Milton Keynes) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went for an interview regarding a seasonal position I'd been offered at a grocery store. The manager showed up 45 minutes past the scheduled interview time, cheerfully greeted me, and took me back to his office, just to tell me that they don't hire seasonal help. Ever. FML

by ineedayob / 05/18/2013 at 4:36pm / United States (California) / Work

Today, I received a death threat from some nutball accusing me of being part of some big government conspiracy called "Haarp." According to this psycho, I'm responsible for causing the recent tornadoes in Oklahoma. I'm just a small-time weatherman. FML

by fuck wannabe knowitalls / 06/03/2013 at 7:13pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to my daughter crying, and my son running through the living room completely naked with her bottle, laughing his head off. FML

by KayyElOh94 / 10/17/2014 at 6:30pm / United States / Kids

Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing to my home for the first time. He spent over an hour talking to my twelve-year-old dog. Occasionally he would look up to ask me a question, but when I answered he would just continue talking to the dog. FML

by lessinterestingthanadog / 11/08/2009 at 12:28am / United States (Rhode Island) / Animals

Today, after a two week holiday, I'm returning to work exhausted. I had nightmares about work every single night. FML

by sleepy / 01/02/2011 at 9:58pm / Norway / Work