Choose the period

Choose a category

Today, I met my father for the first time since I was a baby. The first comment out of his mouth was, "I bet all the boys love those motherfucking bazongas, don't they?" Hi, Dad. FML

by Anonymous / 12/30/2010 at 2:23pm / United Kingdom (York) / Intimacy

Today, I thought I was going to my doctor for a yearly check-up. My father had actually tricked me into therapy. FML

by nazooer / 03/21/2012 at 9:50pm / United States / Health

Today, I watched my mother tell a man that the holocaust was "a good thing" and "necessary for population control". That man was my girlfriend's father. Who is Jewish. FML

by Colby / 11/15/2013 at 11:59am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous

Today, I had misplaced my cell phone. I decided the best course of action would be to dial the number from my house phone and wait for it to ring to locate it. Somebody answered when I called. It wasn't the wrong number and I had a brief conversation with the man that stole my phone. FML

by callerid / 08/03/2009 at 7:45am / United States (Wisconsin) / Miscellaneous

Today, my sister asked me if any of my family members had commented on my recent weight gain. I told her no not really. Her reply? "They must just being saying it behind your back then." FML

by lilsis / 01/31/2010 at 12:38am / Australia (New South Wales) / Health

Today, I was attacked by clowns at work. I don't work at the circus. FML

by Anonymous / 02/08/2011 at 11:27am / United States (Missouri) / Work

Today, at the end of my shift with a long line of customers, the older woman I was checking out calmly said, "You should take a minute to fix your hair dear, we have all been talking about it while we waited." FML

by Cashier / 09/24/2011 at 2:21am / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my garage was flooded. Everything was ruined. My garage also happens to be my study, in which my entire art coursework was drying. My exam is tomorrow and all I have to hand in is a pile of mushy paper. FML

by lottielondon / 05/04/2011 at 9:47am / United Kingdom (London) / Work

Today, I got back from a 3 and a half week trip to South Africa to do volunteer work with children in townships. My parents forgot to pick me up, and I had to sit there by myself and wait for them, while 80 people of the same organization got loving hugs from their proud parents. FML

by leonieNL / 08/12/2010 at 10:50am / Netherlands (Zuid-Holland) / Work

Today, my college professor handed every student a note card and told us to rate his looks from 1 to 5. Is this what I pay $20,000 a year for? FML

by SLOMan90 / 01/26/2011 at 2:45am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my Dad and I went to McDonald's, only to have him shove two handfuls of sugar packets into the bag. He said, "If it's for free, why only take one?" To make it worse, my crush was at the till, watching what was happening. FML

by AshamedDaughter / 08/17/2011 at 3:14am / Canada (British Columbia) / Money

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. Her exact words used were "I like the idea of you, but I don't like you." I still don't know what that means. FML

by dharp7 / 11/16/2011 at 12:23am / United States (California) / Love

Today, my daughter tried to sneak out of the house. When I caught her, she freaked out and punched me in the face. She then "snapped out of it" and claimed she was sleepwalking. FML

by abbielane / 06/25/2012 at 12:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids