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Today, I went on a date with this guy and he was on his phone the whole night. When I got home I checked his facebook since he barely paid attention to me. His status was, "So-and-so is taking out the trash" from mobile posted an hour ago. I got home from my date 30 mins ago. FML

by skreweduP / 06/15/2009 at 7:57pm / United States / Love

Today, I met my biological mother for the first time. I also found out from her husband that she has her nipples and nether regions pierced. FML

by Disgusted / 07/05/2009 at 2:30am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I learned that my boyfriend waits 'til I am asleep to wack off to porn on the internet. We haven't had sex in months because he doesn't want to. FML

by Anonymous / 01/05/2010 at 2:16am / United States (Kentucky) / Intimacy

Today, while at my brother's funeral, my girlfriend decided to tell me she's been sleeping with him. FML

by loserman / 04/29/2014 at 6:40pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, a guy drunkenly professed his love for me. He did this after walking in on me peeing, which he decided was the time to tell me such a thing. FML

by Anonymous / 05/10/2014 at 9:00am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy told me that I look like Angelina Jolie. Before I could thank him, he continued, "I mean like in the chest area. After the mastectomy, you know?" FML

by fleatitting fame / 07/04/2014 at 5:30pm / Norway (Oslo) / Love

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

by anonymous / 11/12/2015 at 7:00pm / Netherlands / Health

Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML

by Anonycock / 01/06/2016 at 12:15pm / Qatar (Ad Dawhah) / Work

Today, I was taking the subway to school. It was around 6:30am and I was listening to music and catching up on homework. When I took my headphones off to readjust them, I heard some grunting. I looked over at the man across from me to see he was masturbating. FML

by danesy / 03/09/2009 at 10:04pm / United States (New York) / Intimacy

Today, I was awoken by my wife, once again. It seems that whenever I stop snoring, she thinks I died so she has to wake me to make sure I'm still living. She does this almost every night, every hour. FML

by Sleep Deprived / 12/25/2011 at 12:27am / United States (Virginia) / Health

Today, both my brother and sister missed my wedding. She was playing in a Call of Duty tournament, and he got so high that he forgot about the wedding completely. He was my best man. FML

by What a happy day / 01/14/2013 at 12:36pm / Australia (Queensland) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend left me for a girl I know. She was the girl my last boyfriend left me for. FML

by itsnotyouitsher / 03/09/2013 at 1:16am / Australia (New South Wales) / Love

Today, I ran into my shitlord of an ex at the store. He took one look at me, yelled "You cheating bitch!" in a wounded voice, then walked away, fake-crying. I got so many dirty looks. The worst part is that I dumped him last month for cheating on me with my "best friend." FML

by Anonymous / 08/08/2013 at 5:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous