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Today, I was sitting on a bench outside a supermarket waiting to be picked up, when a old lady walked out of the shop. She hadn't noticed me and sat on the bench beside me. She looked around and saw me, rolled her eyes, got up and moved to a different bench. FML

by Anonymous / 03/19/2014 at 6:34am / Australia (Victoria) / Miscellaneous

Today, I went into my former workplace. While there, an ex-coworker told me that after I quit, they split my position into two separate jobs. When I worked there, my boss had told me to suck it up whenever I said there was too much work for just one person. FML

by Anonymous / 07/14/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Washington) / Work

Today, instead of taking down the Christmas tree, my sister covered it with Valentine's Day decorations. FML

Today, I was going running. It was an especially windy day and things were flying through the wind. Apparently, bodily fluid can also fly through the wind. Turns out, a women was barfing over a bridge and the wind caught it and it flew through the air. Right into my face and body. FML

by fedlife / 04/09/2009 at 12:14am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I drove my husband's car to the mall because my car was in the shop. The bumper was being repaired because I got rear ended while stopped at a traffic light. While stopped at the same intersection I got rear ended again. FML

by Anonymous / 09/28/2009 at 11:00pm / United States (Indiana) / Transportation

Today, my new boss gave everyone a lecture about sexual harassment in the workplace. Which would be fine if he'd been able to tear his gaze off my chest for more than a minute at a time. FML

by hypocrite / 07/03/2012 at 12:43pm / Canada (British Columbia) / Work

Today, my family and friends decided to throw a surprise party for my 16th birthday. I was so surprised that the shortness of breath triggered a serious asthma attack. FML

by presente13 / 05/17/2013 at 12:35am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend and my close family, who were all ecstatic. Then he told his mother. Her reaction? "It better come out looking like him." FML

by AtomicDiamond87 / 08/19/2013 at 3:55pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I started to come to during dental surgery. I clearly heard someone behind me say "Shit! Get this fucker back under!" then another person mentioning they'd have to kill me to avoid "another lawsuit", followed by laughter and the blackness of sleep. FML

by Anonymous / 10/06/2013 at 5:49pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, my obsessive ex, who recently cut my phone line to stop me from talking to my boyfriend of three years, got a job at the same restaurant where both my boyfriend and I work. FML

Today, I found my checking and savings account to both read $0.00. My parents transferred all my money to theirs because "I'm irresponsible, and not fit to handle money." I'm a 3.8 college student and have a full-time job. They are currently unemployed. FML

by Bummer / 10/29/2009 at 10:00pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Miscellaneous

Today, I threw up in the car. While driving. The good news though, I had a bag to catch it all. Bad news? The bag had a giant hole in the bottom. FML

by CarSick / 02/22/2011 at 10:55pm / United States / Health

Today, during my friend's group's science project presentation, the teacher yelled at me, "Stop making stupid faces at the presenters!" I was smiling. FML

by mcadabax / 11/05/2011 at 7:06am / Canada (New Brunswick) / Miscellaneous