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Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
481 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10638) - you deserved it (112015)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26080) - you deserved it (111820)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I am supposed to be doing my homework. Instead, I'm wasting my time on here. Yeah, it's kinda my fault. FML

#94
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16238) - you deserved it (111198)

On 10/27/2008 at 10:53am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I had sex with my girlfriend. Being the stud that I am, after a short time I turned to her and said "You think you're ready for a round two?" She replied "No, but I do think I'm ready for the rest of round one." FML

#204444
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25351) - you deserved it (110660)

On 03/04/2009 at 2:03am - intimacy - by saddude (man) - United States (District of Columbia)

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

#7483362
302 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11442) - you deserved it (109818)

On 01/21/2010 at 8:18pm - love - by heartbroken (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, while getting my hair done, I was annoyed that the beautician was not paying attention while straightening my hair. After asking her three times to watch what she was doing, I grabbed the iron and said "let me do it, you're going to burn me!". I then burned two layers of skin off my ear. FML

#865761
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10105) - you deserved it (109766)

On 04/08/2009 at 1:18am - misc - by jerkgirl (woman) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

#911522
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15569) - you deserved it (109571)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:38am - intimacy - by Smooth (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my friend said he'd give me 20 bucks if I would ask out the ugliest girl in school. I did it. She rejected me. FML

#3171595
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20104) - you deserved it (109198)

On 06/24/2009 at 11:33am - love - by steven (man) - Canada (Quebec)

Today, I thought it would be funny to jump in the pool while holding my cat. I am currently in the hospital due to the severe cuts on my face and throat. FML

#16725871
315 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11053) - you deserved it (109066)

On 06/18/2011 at 6:32am - health - by princev - United States

Today, I decided to smoke a cigarette while I was driving to work. I was also eating french fries during the drive. I had never realized how much a cigarette feels like a french fry. In conclusion, cigarettes don't taste very good when you bite into them. FML

#1418421
226 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13410) - you deserved it (108679)

On 04/28/2009 at 10:08am - health - by david - United States (Colorado)

Today, my cousin told me that the stop signs outlined with a white line were optional. Later, a cop pulled me over, when I asked why he said, "You ran that stop sign back there." I explained what my cousin had told me and he looked at me funny and replied, "All stop signs have a white outline." FML

#3593613
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14099) - you deserved it (108408)

On 07/08/2009 at 9:34pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was approached by the head cheerleader, and she asked for my number. I was so excited that I gave it to her without question. Then she smiled, and walked away. Too bad my girlfriend was right behind me when it happened. FML

#4443952
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9069) - you deserved it (108380)

On 08/11/2009 at 2:42am - misc - by A.L.Woody - United States (Colorado)

Today, my best friend resolved things with her boyfriend after he had admitted to cheating on her. I felt really guilty because I drunkenly hooked up with her boyfriend last month. She said, "I felt better when he told me that the girl was extremely ugly and bad in bed." FML

#252691
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16033) - you deserved it (108112)

On 03/09/2009 at 4:52pm - misc - by collegegirl90 - United States (Texas)



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