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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10652) - you deserved it (112074)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

#14179571
347 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6681) - you deserved it (111545)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by dumbass1991 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

#4832941
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15588) - you deserved it (111490)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

#3919159
290 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8918) - you deserved it (110964)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:14am - love - by embarrassed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30427) - you deserved it (110564)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

#2311636
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14869) - you deserved it (110492)

On 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by Wick (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I was on MSN with my friend and my 9 year old brother. My friend asked me for some advice about how to give a guy a good blowjob. I went into great detail, and then realised that I had typed it to the wrong window. I gave my little brother tips on how to perform fellatio. FML

#764991
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25517) - you deserved it (110427)

On 04/02/2009 at 11:34am - intimacy - by imsorrytimmy (woman) - United Kingdom (Wolverhampton)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31304) - you deserved it (110423)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16623) - you deserved it (110374)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)

Today, I was called by my son's school. They said he'd been forging my signature and comments in his reading book. He didn't forge them. I don't know what's worse: my handwriting looking like a 6 year old's, or being too cowardly to admit it. He has a week of lunch detention, but I still have my dignity. FML

#5291551
482 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10217) - you deserved it (109957)

On 09/16/2009 at 1:05pm - kids - by Mac - Sent from mobile version

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, I am supposed to be doing my homework. Instead, I'm wasting my time on here. Yeah, it's kinda my fault. FML

#94
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15675) - you deserved it (109029)

On 10/27/2008 at 10:53am - misc - by me - United States (New York)

Today, I had hooked up with this girl and had finally lulled her asleep. I didn't want to stay so I quietly managed to get my clothes back on and get out the door without waking her. I made it all the way out of her building and to my car before I realized I had forgotten my keys. FML

#911522
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15214) - you deserved it (108286)

On 04/11/2009 at 3:38am - intimacy - by Smooth (man) - United States (Louisiana)



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