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Today, I was cashiering, and a customer's change came to $5.51. She looked pretty stinking rich, so I just gave her $5.50. She demanded the extra penny, and I asked if she really needed it. She said, "No, but they do, asshole," and dropped her $5.51 in the charity donation box. FML

#19781749
285 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9940) - you deserved it (115122)

On 06/13/2012 at 12:00pm - money - by ouch - United States (Florida)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19816) - you deserved it (115121)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I sat next to an attractive punk/rock guy on a plane. I decided to try to impress by playing music I thought he would like. I clicked The Who and opened a large window with the album cover, so he could see. The track then shuffled, and he was face to with a giant image of Miley Cyrus. FML

#333328
206 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17001) - you deserved it (115070)

On 03/15/2009 at 12:22am - love - by UH-OH (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, I got my wisdom teeth cut out. While my girlfriend was driving me home, I, still being high on the laughing gas, accidentally admitted to cheating on her. She was kind enough to wait until the numbness wore off before she punched me in the face. FML

#14747577
327 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9795) - you deserved it (114343)

On 01/28/2011 at 8:06pm - love - by peeoncarl1111 - United States

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11071) - you deserved it (113972)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I thought it would have been funny to cut off my friend's rat-tail. He thought it would be funny to put a brick through my windshield. FML

#4832941
225 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16041) - you deserved it (113696)

On 08/26/2009 at 9:34am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had a meeting with the CEO about a promising job with good pay and benefits. Upon meeting, we immediately recognized each other. He was someone I used to make fun of in school all the time. He responded by refusing to interview me and had security throw me out by force. Karma bites. FML

#5527789
271 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9850) - you deserved it (113643)

On 09/28/2009 at 2:31pm - work - by SucksToBeMe (man) - United States (Nevada)

Today, whilst driving past a cyclist, I thought it would be funny to make him jump by blasting my horn right behind him and then driving off. I guess he thought it would be funny to catch up with me, yank off my wing-mirror, and hurl it through the open window at my face. FML

Today, I was driving and saw two hot girls on the sidewalk so I rolled down the window to whistle at them. However, I failed to notice that the car in front of me had stopped at a red light. I rear ended the car, the girls ran away laughing their asses off, and now I have to pay for the damage. FML

#3919159
291 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9264) - you deserved it (113245)

On 07/21/2009 at 12:14am - love - by embarrassed (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I went to Starbucks to get coffee. The employees told me that there was no more coffee. I started cursing at them and told them that I am in a really big hurry, and that I need coffee every day. They had been yelling back the whole time. Little did I realize, they were saying April Fool's. FML

#757455
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10860) - you deserved it (112469)

On 04/01/2009 at 10:36pm - misc - by lisa321 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I got a speeding ticket while driving to my court date for a prior speeding ticket. FML

#2311636
198 comments

I agree, your life sucks (15302) - you deserved it (112292)

On 05/26/2009 at 3:47pm - misc - by Wick (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

#459087
286 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30965) - you deserved it (112195)

On 03/19/2009 at 1:15am - misc - by JohnMackSquirts (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was at a frat band party dancing with my girl when I felt some liquid on my arm. Normally, I'll lick spilled drinks off my arms and being slightly intoxicated, I did. Then I realized it was chunky. The girl dancing next to us had puked everywhere and I licked her vomit off my arm. FML

#1080598
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31933) - you deserved it (112108)

On 04/18/2009 at 6:42am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Alabama)



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