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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I had to lie to my dentist about how often I brush my teeth. I honestly don't remember the last time I did. FML

#6048206
270 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8188) - you deserved it (113541)

On 10/28/2009 at 10:54pm - health - by mintyfresh (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided to see if electric dog collars work on human necks. They do. FML

#5769209
201 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8655) - you deserved it (113287)

On 10/11/2009 at 12:40am - health - by zappy (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, my friends and me had a little water balloon fight and somehow it led to throwing water balloons at cars. We all decided to hit a car all at once, after one came by we all hit it. The car stopped and started flashing bright blue lights. We ended up hitting an off-duty police car. FML

#616637
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11697) - you deserved it (113234)

On 03/26/2009 at 1:20am - misc - by AzNFoo (man) - United States (California)

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

#20612550
272 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32886) - you deserved it (113131)

On 04/22/2013 at 3:19am - misc - by Anon - Singapore

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

#16997621
395 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8057) - you deserved it (113021)

On 07/06/2011 at 5:17am - health - by Fmylife (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I was going to attempt to compliment my girlfriend, I planned on telling her that she smelled really nice. In a loving tone, I confidently told her, "Baby, you have a certain stench to you." FML

#318197
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18750) - you deserved it (112437)

On 03/14/2009 at 7:05am - love - by DSM (man) - United States (North Dakota)

Today, I went through the drive through at Dunkin Donuts and asked for an iced coffee. After no response I start frantically screaming about bad service. After a while, the woman comes out to my car and says, "Please pull up to the speaker." I yelled at a garbage bin for 5 minutes. FML

#3019033
279 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11779) - you deserved it (112193)

On 06/19/2009 at 1:26am - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Illinois)

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

#14179571
346 comments

I agree, your life sucks (6675) - you deserved it (111447)

On 12/12/2010 at 2:36pm - misc - by dumbass1991 (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, I called the police regarding people speeding down my street because I was worried for my young kids. On the way home from my daughters ballet class I got pulled over 2 houses away from my house and got a $150 speeding ticket. FML

#3370137
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10335) - you deserved it (110618)

On 06/30/2009 at 4:15pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I got to drive my mom's car. I'd recently watched the new Fast and Furious movie, I thought it'd be fun to drift around a few corners. I ended up smashing straight into someone's front yard. FML

#20712154
192 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19655) - you deserved it (110548)

On 06/07/2013 at 6:00pm - money - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I was on a dinner date with a guy I really like. I guess I was on my phone too much because halfway through the date he sent me a text saying how much my half of the bill would be. FML

#20904456
319 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16614) - you deserved it (110293)

On 10/02/2013 at 8:43am - love - by Lilly (woman) - United States (Arkansas)



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