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Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9753) - you deserved it (116874)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, my mistress called my wife on the phone. FML

#524
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7351) - you deserved it (115999)

On 12/16/2008 at 12:20am - misc - by surfdown - Sent from mobile version

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31748) - you deserved it (115965)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
381 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9497) - you deserved it (115120)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

#2344396
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18074) - you deserved it (115042)

On 05/27/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by tarini (woman) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20046) - you deserved it (114804)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17396) - you deserved it (114118)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my teacher was giving a lecture about human genetics and how they are passed on to children. She projected a large picture of a baby on to the screen in the front of the room. I then joked about how this ugly baby must have some very unattractive parents. It was her baby. FML

#627489
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17787) - you deserved it (113986)

On 03/26/2009 at 6:44pm - misc - by biggmouth - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

#16495261
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11418) - you deserved it (113972)

On 06/04/2011 at 5:36am - love - by PizzaBoySwag (man) - United States (California)

Today, I saw myself in a 'girls gone wild' ad with another girl. So did my mom. FML

#2987164
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25999) - you deserved it (113883)

On 06/18/2009 at 3:17am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I asked a guy if he could buy me a pack of cigarettes, since I'm still under 18. He took my money, went into the supermarket, and must have slipped out a side-entrance, because he never came back. FML

#17367544
436 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8707) - you deserved it (113827)

On 08/04/2011 at 2:28pm - money - by Joe - United States (Florida)

Today, we had some family over. A nasty need to wank seized me when I saw her: my 17-year-old cousin. I went to my parents' unoccupied bedroom. My sister's baby walkie-talkie was switched on, and the whole family heard me. FML

#37
308 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25292) - you deserved it (113705)

On 10/25/2008 at 12:55pm - intimacy - by VIVI -

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871
296 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9938) - you deserved it (113627)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)



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