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Today, I was out on a date with a guy. His hot co-worker came to have a beer with us, and I knew my best friend would think he was gorgeous. I wanted to take a picture of him without knowing, so i tried to hold up my phone and pretend to be texting. The flash went off. FML

#385410
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19897) - you deserved it (118530)

On 03/16/2009 at 4:41pm - misc - by Noname (woman) - United States

Today, I saw this cute girl at a bar and decided to go and chat her up. After charming her with my usual crap for a while, I told her she was really pretty and asked for her number. She replied "You asshole, I met you here a year ago and gave you my number, and you never called me." FML

#4102567
165 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10016) - you deserved it (118235)

On 07/28/2009 at 6:55am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

#12099804
313 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13631) - you deserved it (117524)

On 07/25/2010 at 5:06am - misc - by spriggs (man) - United States (California)

Today, I went into my older brother's room to get a condom. This happened the other day too when my boyfriend forgot one. So I went in there today and there was a note that said "Little Sister, stop using my condoms. And your boyfriend sounds like a girl when he climaxes." FML

#497309
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32008) - you deserved it (116658)

On 03/20/2009 at 8:43pm - intimacy - by Stacy (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mistress called my wife on the phone. FML

#524
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7357) - you deserved it (116129)

On 12/16/2008 at 12:20am - misc - by surfdown - Sent from mobile version

Today, I was dressing in my apartment when I noticed I left the blinds open. Outside, a maintenance man was mowing the grass within eyeshot. I figured I'd leave the blinds open and give him a little peek of the goods. Later I found a note on my window saying, 'Next time, close the blinds'. FML

#1021502
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21973) - you deserved it (115514)

On 04/16/2009 at 2:42pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, I dined and dashed. Upon reaching my car, I realized I had left my seven year-old daughter in the restaurant. FML

#18217676
382 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9515) - you deserved it (115228)

On 11/11/2011 at 10:17am - kids - by embarrassed - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I got an acceptance later to a great boarding school in India for my senior year of high school. I sent them a letter telling them I wouldn't go, because I just got back with my ex-boyfriend. I just got a text from my boyfriend. Guess who's my ex again? FML

#2344396
423 comments

I agree, your life sucks (18088) - you deserved it (115108)

On 05/27/2009 at 4:12pm - love - by tarini (woman) - Bangladesh (Dhaka)

Today, for April fools I decided to set off the smoke detectors in my friend's apartment while he was sleeping and saran wrap the outside of his bedroom doorway so he would smack into it. Instead, he jumped out the window and broke his leg. FML

#748414
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20062) - you deserved it (114850)

On 04/01/2009 at 4:06pm - health - by nic (woman) - United States (Virginia)

Today, I had an argument with my wife. I told her to get back in the kitchen. How does she respond? By doing what I told her to do, and returning to hit me with a frying pan. FML

#5811871
298 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10052) - you deserved it (114255)

On 10/13/2009 at 2:54am - love - by PanFace (man) - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I drunk dialed my mom and told her I was so high and drunk that I thought the KGB was coming after me. When I woke up this morning, my mom told me that she's no longer paying for college. FML

#90754
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17404) - you deserved it (114172)

On 02/20/2009 at 6:42pm - money - by Noname (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I ran into my ex-girlfriend from high school at the exact pizza shop we met at where I worked in high school. She broke it off with me after she caught me cheating with her best friend. These days, she's a lawyer who makes six figures a year. I still work at the same pizza shop. FML

#16495261
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11423) - you deserved it (114063)

On 06/04/2011 at 5:36am - love - by PizzaBoySwag (man) - United States (California)



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