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Saturday 30 July 2016

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Today, I've been so stressed out that I forgot my own birthday. I only remembered when my mom talked to me to let me know she wasn't planning on doing anything for it. FML

by Ya_I_said_it / 07/26/2016 at 11:31am / Miscellaneous

Today, I was talking to a customer, when I choked on my spit. After I could breath again I was so embarrassed I said the first thing that popped up. which was "I'm sorry I don't know how to swallow." FML

by chickfilady / 07/28/2016 at 11:10pm / Work

Today, my husband told me he's just "not interested" in having sex anymore. FML

Today, my friend decided that we should go clubbing together to "catch up". Her version of catching up is me standing beside her making out with some random dude in the parking lot. FML

by jailey / 07/25/2016 at 10:26pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I spent my first day with my parents for the first time in a year as I've been away at university. My dad went to work, and my mum spent the whole day playing mahjong with her friends as they all told me "how fat I've gotten" and how "boys won't like it". FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 12:09am / Miscellaneous

Today, I got fired from my first job because of the herpes on my lip. It was actually a 2nd degree burn from soup that splashed on to my lips when I was serving it but my manager doesn't believe me. FML

by mog907 / 07/25/2016 at 2:31pm / United States (Alaska) / Work

Today, I found out all the "work meetings" my husband has been going to wasn't him having an affair after all, but him attending a neo-Nazi group. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 10:10am / Love

Today, I was fired from my job. Not because I don't do a good job but because my boss didn't feel it was appropriate to have an affair with my wife and have to face me everyday. FML

by Wellthen / 07/27/2016 at 9:07pm / Work

Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML

by Anonymous / 07/27/2016 at 4:32pm / Intimacy

Today, my girlfriend accused me of cheating because I've been buying generic groceries instead of name brand to save money. Apparently, I must be using the extra money on another woman. FML

by Jaraxxus / 07/26/2016 at 5:45am / United States (North Carolina) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I caught my 20 year old daughter having sex with my best friend's husband. Apparently it's my fault for coming home early. FML

by angrymother / 07/26/2016 at 9:21pm / Intimacy

  Today, I was sitting outside while my dad was mowing the lawn. He ran over a hornet's nest with several now-angry hornets. He escaped unscathed. I didn't. FML

by Omega / 07/28/2016 at 8:26pm / Health

Today, my husband and I had our first prenatal appointment. My doctor told us we shouldn't have sex during the first trimester, "just to be safe". He has no evidence to back this, but now my husband is too scared to touch me. FML

by 2.5-long-months / 07/28/2016 at 9:49am / Canada (Alberta) / Intimacy