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Wednesday 20 August 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I stuck one of those "kick me" signs on my friend's back for fun, and someone took the invitation. Unfortunately, my friend whirled around and beat the shit out of him. I managed to sneak the sign off his back, but now I feel like a total asshole. FML

#21243070
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20862) - you deserved it (48569)

On 08/22/2014 at 10:35am - misc - by oops (man) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was hammered, and on my way home I walked into a policeman. My logic was: if I'm on the phone, he can't talk to me, so I pulled my phone out and started speaking. The officer then asked me why I was speaking to my wallet. FML

#21240900
130 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26190) - you deserved it (48057)

On 08/19/2014 at 9:37am - misc - by drunk under 18 teenager (man) - Morocco (Marrakech-Tensift-Al Haouz)

Today, I finally told my dad that I hate his girlfriend. I said her daughter's a complete whore, and her son is annoying as fuck. Turns out they were in the house and within earshot, ready to throw me a birthday party. FML

#21243310
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26226) - you deserved it (47427)

On 08/22/2014 at 6:18pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, a schoolmate I've always secretly hated came over to my place to hang out. She found her way to my room and instantly noticed my dartboard, which I'd taped a picture of her face onto. FML

#21246638
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22065) - you deserved it (45168)

On 08/27/2014 at 6:57pm - misc - by Woops (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, a guy in my class was talking about himself. He started his story with, "When I was little, I was a ginger." I replied without thinking, "Is that why you got put up for adoption?" Him being adopted was the actual story he wanted to tell. FML

#21246134
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23141) - you deserved it (44915)

On 08/26/2014 at 11:19pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Kansas)

Today, I got drunk, broke up with my girlfriend, and sent my grandma nude pics, thinking she was my girlfriend. Well, ex-girlfriend. FML

#21241704
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22260) - you deserved it (41974)

On 08/20/2014 at 1:53pm - misc - by Kev (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, my dad stopped me mid-sentence and said he wanted to punch me in the face and set me on fire for using the word "selfie". FML

#21243189
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24058) - you deserved it (41489)

On 08/22/2014 at 2:41pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I bought some noise-canceling headphones. They work well. Too well. My mom came home, unpacked her shopping, walked upstairs, knocked on my door, opened my door, and found me jacking off to a porno, all without me hearing a thing. Fucking hell. FML

#21246585
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42855) - you deserved it (41451)

On 08/27/2014 at 5:50pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I had an argument with my boss and tried to text a friend about it. I accidentally texted my boss instead. FML

#21243667
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35243) - you deserved it (24913)

On 08/23/2014 at 8:28am - work - by in big trouble - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I went to a baseball game with my girlfriend's dad. I got a boner when they sang the anthem, because that's what I sing in my head when having sex with his daughter so I last longer. FML

#21240482
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50784) - you deserved it (19670)

On 08/18/2014 at 12:39pm - intimacy - by embarrassed - United States (New York)

Today, I told my husband that I'm jealous of all the other girls whose husbands always take pictures of them together and post them online. He responded by posting a picture of himself, with me on the toilet in the background, captioned "The bitch on the pot." FML

#21241016
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47415) - you deserved it (18345)

On 08/19/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I talked to a girl I like. I tried to make her jealous by telling her I had a "thing" going with another girl. She looked deeply into my eyes and said, "Wait, aren't you gay?" FML

#21242399
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43583) - you deserved it (16940)

On 08/21/2014 at 11:37am - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States

Today, it's been almost a week since I returned from my vacation to Ireland. Before I rarely drank. Now I'm pretty sure I'm an alcoholic. You might think I'm joking, but I've woken up hungover every day since I landed there. I basically paid to kill my liver and become AA's next poster child. FML

#21245034
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29974) - you deserved it (16853)

On 08/25/2014 at 12:01pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)



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