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Sunday 27 July 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was having coffee with an old friend I hadn't seen since university. I asked about her husband; she replied, "he died" and walked away. I was confused, so I stood up and took off after her. She reminded me I was at the funeral, and then slapped me in the face. FML

#21223464
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21470) - you deserved it (62578)

On 07/29/2014 at 3:58am - misc - by jayswizzle89 (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was cooking bacon while my dog watched me, drooling. I thought this was funny and I teased her a bit. I then slipped in the drool as I was carrying the bacon and she got to enjoy it. FML

#21219985
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19673) - you deserved it (51110)

On 07/25/2014 at 2:05am - animals - by fuckendog (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, I went to my weekly AA meeting. It was a huge crowd and I was the guest speaker. Not 5 minutes into my speech, I was booed off stage and banned from further attendance because I accidentally wore a Jack Daniel's shirt. FML

#21217633
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21316) - you deserved it (50100)

On 07/22/2014 at 7:20pm - health - by dypshyyt - United States (Florida)

Today, I was doing a design sketch for work. I snapped a pic and sent it to my boss. She replied, "Impressive. Nice sketch too." I was drawing at home, naked. My dick was in the picture. FML

Today, I painted my nails in the car. After I finished, I stuck my hands out the window to let them dry. When I pulled my hands back in there were live bugs stuck in my nail polish. FML

#21228488
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (23423) - you deserved it (45239)

On 08/03/2014 at 2:49pm - misc - by ew - United States (Texas)

Today, I walked in on my 15-year-old daughter stripping on Skype for strangers. FML

#21217343
259 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59525) - you deserved it (43323)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:39pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I was scrubbing the bloody aftermath of a successful mouse trap off of my stove with an old toothbrush. After a few good scrubs, out of habit I put the toothbrush in my mouth while I turned on the water. FML

Today, my boyfriend said we can't have sex with the light on anymore. He said he can never finish because the face I make when I orgasm makes him laugh. FML

#21216984
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39639) - you deserved it (25456)

On 07/22/2014 at 1:55am - intimacy - by teegtwo (woman) - United States

Today, I went surfing, got a few rides, then realized I had my phone in my pocket. FML

#21216262
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37991) - you deserved it (23960)

On 07/21/2014 at 1:14pm - misc - by surfer - United States (New York)

Today, I had a rough day and was extremely tired. I took a nap on the couch, and woke up to a guy robbing my house. I pretended I was still sleeping, waiting a chance to grab him or run out safely. I ended up falling back asleep. FML

#21219246
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43675) - you deserved it (22709)

On 07/24/2014 at 11:59am - misc - by FML - United States (Virginia)

Today, my girlfriend's dad returned home from deployment. Being the grade A fucktard that I am, I got flustered and asked, "So um, did you make it back?" He looked me dead in the eyes and said completely deadpan, "No, obviously I died. Moron." FML

#21226906
54 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34032) - you deserved it (22623)

On 08/01/2014 at 4:45pm - misc - by whoops (man) - United States (Indiana)

Today, at work, an old man was having trouble using his credit card at the checkout. I told him to "just stick it in", and he replied with "I love it when you talk dirty to me." The whole line at the checkout laughed. FML

#21228111
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49318) - you deserved it (21299)

On 08/03/2014 at 1:16am - work - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia (Western Australia)

Today, I was pulled over for speeding. The officer was nice and let me off with just a warning. That is, until my dipshit brother yelled "Fucking pig!" out the window as the officer walked back to his car. FML

#21216216
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34648) - you deserved it (21267)

On 07/21/2014 at 11:58am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)



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