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Tuesday 18 March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

#21089223
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33894) - you deserved it (4947)

On 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm - misc - by Bandking (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I learned that most teenagers would rather grab free candy from the broken vending machine than help the guy stuck underneath it get free. FML

#21093947
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42834) - you deserved it (4801)

On 03/23/2014 at 12:05am - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, about 10 minutes into my first jog in months, someone in a car started following me, yelling stuff like "Oh my god, it's Shamu!" and "Run faster, fatty!" I ended up breaking down in tears before he finally sped off, roaring with laughter. FML

#21090080
224 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55150) - you deserved it (4681)

On 03/18/2014 at 3:44pm - health - by see you next cunt (woman) - United States

Today, I had a text message when I woke up. I was excited as I usually don't get texts from people. Turns out it was from T-Mobile. They text me more than actual people do. FML

#21091718
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37580) - you deserved it (4636)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:15pm - misc - by skrumpp (man) -

Today, after finishing an essay at the library, I fell asleep and had a dream about the essay crawling out through my laptop screen and trying to kill me. I woke by the librarian shaking me and telling me to stop screaming. I was mortified. FML

#21091737
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39824) - you deserved it (4483)

On 03/20/2014 at 12:48pm - work - by systematicpanic (woman) - United Kingdom (Leicester)

Today, a tiny worm was wriggling across the screen of my Mac laptop. I tried to wipe it away with my thumb, but it just kept crawling. Turns out the worm lives *inside* my screen, beneath the glass. FML

#21092367
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43812) - you deserved it (4420)

On 03/21/2014 at 1:14am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, my boyfriend gave me an anniversary present to mark 5 years of us being together. It was a Mooncup. FML

#21090330
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31479) - you deserved it (4416)

On 03/18/2014 at 9:07pm - love - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Lancashire)

Today, my brother tried to pay me to teach him how to French-kiss, so he wouldn't screw up on his first date. I'm shocked that the weirdo managed to get a date in the first place. FML

#21094457
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42159) - you deserved it (4267)

On 03/23/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by doesn't fuck on the first, thank god (woman) - United Kingdom (Southend-on-Sea)

Today, I received my employee ID, which I have to wear at all times at my new job. The only problem is that in my photo, I look like a donkey having a seizure. Customers keep snickering at it, and my boss thinks I posed like that deliberately. FML

#21092790
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34177) - you deserved it (4192)

On 03/21/2014 at 4:46pm - work - by Lady Madeira von Cuntshunt (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, my husband actually tried to pay me to forget about the affair that he's been having. FML

#21092678
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47521) - you deserved it (4189)

On 03/21/2014 at 2:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Thames)

Today, once again I was told I looked a bit like Lindsay Lohan. I can't figure out if they mean the young, good looking one, or the current cracked out rehab version. FML

#21093234
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37205) - you deserved it (4080)

On 03/22/2014 at 3:18am - misc - by Jen__ - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I had to wave my arms like a maniac as I sat on the toilet at work, otherwise the faulty motion sensor/timer would turn the lights off after about ten seconds. I've had to do this for several days now. No one else has reported this problem, so management won't get it fixed. FML

#21089760
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34619) - you deserved it (3986)

On 03/18/2014 at 4:10am - work - by aziraphaleelle (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was fired over the phone, losing my only source of income. When asked if I was okay, I explained that although I understood why, I was a little peeved they'd chosen my birthday to deliver the message. My - now former - boss then sang "Happy Birthday" to me in its entirety. FML

#21090716
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41676) - you deserved it (3911)

On 03/19/2014 at 8:28am - work - by pale-suzie (woman) - Denmark (Hovedstaden)



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