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Tuesday 18 March 2014

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Today, I got a history project back that I worked very hard on. The teacher didn't bother to write any feedback, besides, "Did you even understand the assignment?" on the back. FML

by student101 / 03/25/2014 at 11:37pm / United States (Wisconsin) / Work

Today, my clingy girlfriend refused to leave me alone long enough for me to read an article about dealing with clingy girlfriends. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 4:28pm / United States (Illinois) / Love

Today, I had to appear in court. My boyfriend gave me a chocolate to eat for comfort. The quote on the wrapper read "Today, you are exactly where you should be." FML

by NotInTheRightPlace / 03/17/2014 at 2:18pm / United States (Virginia) / Miscellaneous

Today, my dad took me to a bar for my first legal drink. He quickly got "drunk" and started slurring that I was an accident, saying the only reason I'm alive is because he'd been too poor to pay for an abortion. As I started crying, he burst out laughing and said soberly, "Just kidding, son." FML

by Anonymous / 03/21/2014 at 6:35pm / Australia / Kids

Today, while working at Dairy Queen, a customer asked me what was so special about our ice cream cakes, and how they're different from regular cakes. I chuckled, and told her it's because they're made from ice cream. She threw a fit, which resulted in me being written up and sent home early. FML

by Coryj1220 / 03/25/2014 at 11:53pm / United States (Kentucky) / Work

Today, the guy I've been dating told me with a wink that before he'll go on any more dates, he'd require me to take a series of "oral exams" to prove I'm right for him. I think he actually expected that to work. NEXT. FML

by Anonymous / 03/22/2014 at 6:01pm / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, during my dinner break, I was forced to listen to a coworker talk about how he dumped his needy ex for another woman. I'm the ex. We kept our relationship secret from our coworkers. I guess now I know why he dumped me. FML

by Anonymous / 03/24/2014 at 2:56am / United States / Love

Today, I was making a special birthday delivery for a customer. As I handed her the fruit basket, I said, "Hey, we have the same birthday! Happy birthday!" She called me an attention whore and slammed the door in my face. FML

by Ma_Nikka / 03/19/2014 at 9:38pm / United States (California) / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, while I thought I'd never had an orgasm, my doctor informed me that I'm actually having orgasms almost every time I have sex. They just feel like utterly frustrating, slightly painful, unpleasurable and completely unsatisfying muscle contractions. FML

by HanBroman / 03/17/2014 at 4:05am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was texting an artist friend telling her I wanted to buy her paintings; going on and on about how much I wanted it and loved the way they looked and couldn't wait to have them. I realized my phone had corrected paintings to panties. FML

by BigBlue / 03/19/2014 at 7:19pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I finally finished watching Dexter. I was more disappointed by the finale than the picture I later received of my girlfriend cheating on me. FML

by disappointed / 03/25/2014 at 7:36am / United States (North Dakota) / Miscellaneous

Today, for the third time this week, a random person in the street walked up to me and told me how much I look like Grumpy Cat. FML

by no / 03/20/2014 at 6:18pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Miscellaneous

Today, I marched in the St. Patrick's day parade. My horn has an inconveniently-placed spit valve that has to be drained frequently. At the end, I discovered every time I emptied it, it would spray all over the front of my pants. I marched an entire parade looking like I pissed my pants. FML

by Bandking / 03/17/2014 at 5:48pm / United States (Ohio) / Miscellaneous