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Sunday 2 March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I made myself a hot pocket for lunch. I managed to scald myself on the red-hot cheese, and at the same time bite into the center, which was somehow still frozen solid. FML

#21073990
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35166) - you deserved it (6594)

On 02/28/2014 at 12:13pm - health - by loserr (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45086) - you deserved it (6456)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, I was excited to see a spider skittering across my bathroom floor, because this one was real and not a hallucination. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44255) - you deserved it (6244)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51260) - you deserved it (6230)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39106) - you deserved it (5749)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

#21072333
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40991) - you deserved it (5748)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

#21073274
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38711) - you deserved it (5721)

On 02/27/2014 at 3:58pm - animals - by ricard0 (man) - United States (California)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49296) - you deserved it (5624)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

#21081896
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54878) - you deserved it (5586)

On 03/09/2014 at 1:08am - misc - by Seriously? - United States (California)

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

#21078096
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35854) - you deserved it (5549)

On 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by cubs44fan - United States (Indiana)

Today, I achieved a personal goal by completing a half-marathon for charity, despite being overweight and unfit before training. When I finished I cried, not because I was proud of myself, but because I ran the last 2 miles while being followed by kids on bicycles calling me a "fat cunt". FML

#21078597
330 comments

I agree, your life sucks (67495) - you deserved it (5306)

On 03/05/2014 at 7:33am - health - by rolypoly (woman) - United Kingdom



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