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Sunday 2 March 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 5-year-old son thought it'd be a good idea to pee into the heat vent in the hallway of our apartment building. The whole building now smells like urine. The landlord is a 6-foot ex-convict. He wants answers. FML

#21080782
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45022) - you deserved it (6451)

On 03/07/2014 at 8:16pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, after running across London to catch my train, I collapsed, panting, into a seat across from a concerned elderly woman. She leaned over to ask whether I had my inhaler and I smiled and nodded. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I'm not asthmatic, just really unfit. FML

#21082556
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34970) - you deserved it (6388)

On 03/09/2014 at 8:36pm - health - by alipallie - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I was excited to see a spider skittering across my bathroom floor, because this one was real and not a hallucination. FML

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me. Devastated, I told my dad about it, hoping he'd help cheer me up. His advice was, "Just rub one out son, you'll feel better in no time." Thanks dad. FML

#21070515
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44124) - you deserved it (6234)

On 02/24/2014 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Author (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I spent my first night at my boyfriend's place, and my first night sleeping beside him. I woke up in the early hours to him holding me and muttering in his sleep something like "surprise fisting". I'm beyond terrified. FML

#21078055
90 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51154) - you deserved it (6222)

On 03/04/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by cockfist (woman) - United Kingdom (Glasgow City)

Today, it was snowing. After answering a call, I put my phone into my jacket pocket, and hurried across the road. I quickly realised my phone hadn't slipped into my pocket after all, and I turned around in time to see a snowplow go by. I couldn't find my phone in the snowdrifts. FML

#21081494
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39053) - you deserved it (5743)

On 03/08/2014 at 4:43pm - misc - by shoopbadeewoop (man) -

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

#21072333
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40900) - you deserved it (5741)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, my mum begged me to let her put fake nails on me to practice for her styling exam. I've been sitting on the toilet for the past half an hour trying to figure out how to wipe without damaging something. FML

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

#21073274
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38658) - you deserved it (5716)

On 02/27/2014 at 3:58pm - animals - by ricard0 (man) - United States (California)

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49213) - you deserved it (5619)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, a teenage girl bumped into me and my phone fell out of my hands, and over the Golden Gate Bridge. FML

#21081896
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54790) - you deserved it (5578)

On 03/09/2014 at 1:08am - misc - by Seriously? - United States (California)

Today, I had the most intelligent conversation I've ever had with my boyfriend. He was getting really in-depth about subjects like biotechnology and gamma radiation. I soon realized he was only referring to the Incredible Hulk. FML

#21078096
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35789) - you deserved it (5546)

On 03/04/2014 at 6:25pm - misc - by cubs44fan - United States (Indiana)

Today, my sister told me about a website that explained why our stressed cat has been obsessively pulling out the fur on her legs. Interested, I asked for a link. Not just out of deep concern for the cat, but because I have the same problem. FML

#21077438
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32533) - you deserved it (5287)

On 03/03/2014 at 11:40pm - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Florida)



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