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Sunday 23 February 2014

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Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

by fiercehawk / 02/18/2014 at 12:45am / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my school received the ranking for state tournaments. We're last. Our cheerleaders are too embarrassed to cheer for us. FML

by 1111222233334444 / 02/18/2014 at 6:06pm / United States (West Virginia) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, after 3 weeks of hard work, I finally finished painting my room. Apparently my 6-year-old brother thought I wasn't done and that he should help me out. I now have little red handprints all over my white walls. FML

by LittleArtist / 02/17/2014 at 8:01pm / United States (Alabama) / Kids

Today, I went to the arcade with my dad, and we decided to try out the hurricane simulator, which blasts 60mph air around in an enclosed space. My dad farted halfway through. FML

by begging for air / 02/20/2014 at 12:45pm / United States (Oregon) / Miscellaneous

Today, with a single misstep, I managed to send myself and several others tumbling down a stairwell at work. An ambulance ended up having to be called for one lady. FML

by ashamedklutz / 02/21/2014 at 7:20pm / United Kingdom (Fife) / Work

Today, I watched my brother attempt to cook some eggs without turning the gas on. FML

by Anonymous / 02/20/2014 at 5:01am / United Kingdom (Worcestershire) / Miscellaneous

Today, on Facebook, someone wrote a status implying that she was going to kill herself. I called a mutual friend, asking to check up on her. The next status the girl puts up said, "Someone thought I was going to commit suicide! Haha what a loser!" FML

by Anonymous / 02/26/2014 at 4:31am / United States (Nevada) / Miscellaneous

Today, I ran into my favorite teacher from high school, the one that really inspired me to become one myself. I told her that I'm in my last year of college preparing to become a teacher, to which she replied, "Wow, they really are letting anyone have a crack at being a teacher these days." FML

by Anonymous / 02/21/2014 at 11:32am / United States (Illinois) / Work

Today, my cat pissed all over my work clothes. They weren't even on the floor, she knocked the hanger down just so she could use them as a toilet. FML

by baxeh / 02/27/2014 at 5:42pm / Sweden (Stockholms Lan) / Animals

Today, as I tried to get out of bed, I got my foot tangled in my sheets. I reached out to my dresser to avoid falling flat on my face. I didn't fall, but I did manage to smash my fingers in the drawer while still trapped in the sheets. FML

by IVOaf / 02/26/2014 at 3:55pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my pregnant wife's parents called me at work, saying she'd been crying inconsolably and wouldn't say what was wrong. After pleading with my boss, I rushed home. Turns out there was an "ugly" sofa in a TV ad and she felt it was "picking on ugly sofas". FML

by fuckmeitsgettingworse / 02/24/2014 at 2:36pm / United Kingdom (Derby) / Miscellaneous

Today, a guy from work that I barely know gave me sunflowers for my birthday. He told me, "You mentioned they were your favorite." I mentioned it to my family at home a few days ago. FML

by You Are My Sunshine / 02/23/2014 at 11:18pm / United States (California) / Love

Today, during class our teacher asked us, "Who is Uncle Sam?" A girl answered, "He's the guy who founded KFC, right?" I'm in an AP class and have to put up with these morons constantly. FML

by Anonymous / 02/25/2014 at 4:17pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous