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Sunday 23 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, and for the past 38 weeks of my pregnancy, my husband decided to amuse himself by following me around, making whale noises. FML

#21074731
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51901) - you deserved it (5877)

On 03/01/2014 at 5:42am - love - by Anonymous - United States (Virginia)

Today, I fell asleep on the couch, only to wake up later with my dog's tongue over my mouth. That was my first ever kiss. FML

#21073274
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39927) - you deserved it (5865)

On 02/27/2014 at 3:58pm - animals - by ricard0 (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out what a lightweight my girlfriend is. After having a couple of drinks, she began flirting, then grabbed my ass. She felt around a bit before freaking out and asking where my penis was. FML

#21067583
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50201) - you deserved it (5770)

On 02/21/2014 at 12:37pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Germany (Rheinland-Pfalz)

Today, I was babysitting an 8-year-old boy. He was playing with play-doh and made a sculpture that resembled a penis. I tried to cover up and asked if it was an action figure. He looked at me like I was an idiot and said, "It's a DICK." FML

#21069587
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45348) - you deserved it (5754)

On 02/23/2014 at 5:27pm - kids - by hot sweet.... not (woman) - United Kingdom (Renfrewshire)

Today, my daughter asked me the difference between "their" and "they're". This is the same child I've been spending thousands of dollars on to send to law school. FML

#21072333
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41007) - you deserved it (5750)

On 02/26/2014 at 4:42pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at my therapy appointment, I was spilling my guts to my therapist. When I'd finished, to get rid of the awkward silence, I asked, "I'm not crazy, right?" His response was, "That's bit of a loaded question." FML

#21066990
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36814) - you deserved it (5590)

On 02/20/2014 at 9:46pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40807) - you deserved it (5491)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I went on a date with a girl my friend set me up with. I thought we got along great, until after dessert, when I asked if she'd be interested in doing this again. She just said, "Nahhh" then got up and casually left, stiffing me on the bill. FML

#21074975
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46081) - you deserved it (5260)

On 03/01/2014 at 1:46pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I received a response to my perfectly straightforward online dating profile: "How about changing a dirty diaper, mommy?" FML

#21067330
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36668) - you deserved it (5221)

On 02/21/2014 at 3:04am - intimacy - by sadlysingle (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me. This poses a problem, because her mother is my boss, and we work in an office on the first story of their apartment. Tomorrow I have to decide whether to quit my awesome and only job, or go to work for my now ex's mother in their house. FML

#21070906
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42579) - you deserved it (5218)

On 02/25/2014 at 12:22am - love - by M.A. (man) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML

#21063777
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41088) - you deserved it (5158)

On 02/17/2014 at 9:13pm - misc - by Sarri (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was told I pull the "whole grunge look" off quite well. I don't dress "grunge", nor was that my intention. FML

#21071401
45 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32334) - you deserved it (5124)

On 02/25/2014 at 4:59pm - misc - by ashleylynn17 (woman) -



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