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Wednesday 12 February 2014

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Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML

by gaiakirkland / 02/15/2014 at 6:18am / Italy (Lombardia) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I married the love of my life. I was ecstatic until the wedding reception, where my new husband got drunk and started crying about how he'd been "forced" into marrying me. FML

by jacey chreyest / 02/14/2014 at 4:57pm / United Kingdom (London, City of) / Love

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

by dumbwifehappylife / 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm / Australia / Love

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

by fuck my goddamn life / 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

by shanti / 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm / Miscellaneous

Today, my live-in mother-in-law brazenly swiped most of the money from my wallet, then walked out of the room as if nothing had happened. The worst thing is that my wife believes anything she says, so I can't do a damn thing about it. FML

by Anonymous / 02/14/2014 at 12:11pm / United States (Connecticut) / Money

Today, in the middle of telling my mother about my engagement, she suddenly broke down in tears about her problems at work and her loveless marriage, and abruptly hung up on me. FML

by nana_star / 02/14/2014 at 2:59am / South Africa (Gauteng) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

by onyx_the_cat / 02/13/2014 at 10:49pm / United States (Illinois) / Miscellaneous

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

by Anonymous / 02/17/2014 at 12:36pm / United States / Work

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

by undineA / 02/18/2014 at 3:16pm / Greece (Thessaloniki) / Miscellaneous

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

by Parusu / 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous