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Wednesday 12 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was on a date, when I suddenly choked on my own saliva and coughed so hard that I passed out. FML

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

#21057520
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35149) - you deserved it (3841)

On 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm - money - by dumbwifehappylife (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my husband cracked a "rectum? damn near killed him" joke at my grandfather's funeral. He had genuinely spoken without thinking, but his quick gasp and "Oh shit" sounded quite sarcastic. We were both kicked out. My family thinks I put him up to the whole thing. FML

#21062405
56 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36547) - you deserved it (3839)

On 02/16/2014 at 12:30pm - misc - by shanti (woman) -

Today, my brother and I took our cars to get oil changes. While we were there, a guy asked if we were dating. When we told him we were siblings, he responded with, "So?" FML

Today, I'm stuck in a hotel with my psychotic mom, all because she swore there were "demonic" noises coming from our oven. Yeah, our oven is totally possessed, you idiot. FML

#21061598
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35987) - you deserved it (3828)

On 02/15/2014 at 3:51pm - misc - by fuck my goddamn life (man) - United States

Today, my live-in mother-in-law brazenly swiped most of the money from my wallet, then walked out of the room as if nothing had happened. The worst thing is that my wife believes anything she says, so I can't do a damn thing about it. FML

#21060189
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37053) - you deserved it (3769)

On 02/14/2014 at 12:11pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

#21060563
88 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46601) - you deserved it (3769)

On 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by accident (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56248) - you deserved it (3758)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, I aced my solo during my band concert. My parents were asleep the whole time. FML

Today, I was at work at the airport. I got called up to a plane's cargo hold, and thought I'd finally learn how to use the loader. Turns out they just needed me to weigh something down, effectively making me ballast. Then my boss told me to get the hell off, after which I hit my head hard climbing out. FML

#21063360
39 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32565) - you deserved it (3601)

On 02/17/2014 at 12:36pm - work - by Anonymous - United States

Today, feeling magnanimous, I decided to help a frail-looking old lady across a busy street. She managed to "accidentally" hit me in the balls with her cane no fewer than three times before we reached the other side. FML

#21064549
68 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32225) - you deserved it (3598)

On 02/18/2014 at 3:16pm - misc - by undineA (man) - Greece (Thessaloniki)

Today, in the middle of telling my mother about my engagement, she suddenly broke down in tears about her problems at work and her loveless marriage, and abruptly hung up on me. FML

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47911) - you deserved it (3547)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)



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