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Wednesday 12 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

#21057323
237 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48806) - you deserved it (6315)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, I proudly informed my grandma that I now have a girlfriend. My grandpa overheard and said how surprising that was, given how expensive blowup dolls are. He and my grandma then both laughed out loud. FML

#21061712
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47524) - you deserved it (6049)

On 02/15/2014 at 6:14pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Victoria)

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
240 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49926) - you deserved it (5684)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, I'm eight months pregnant with my second child. My 18-month-old son loves to watch my belly move when his baby brother moves. And then loves to smack my belly. It's going to be a long eighteen years. FML

Today, my dad gave me the sex talk. After telling me all the stuff I already knew, he told me never to use Durex condoms. He said, "They break a lot. That's the only reason you're around today, really." then chuckled to himself. FML

#21060563
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59118) - you deserved it (5627)

On 02/14/2014 at 5:41pm - intimacy - by accident (man) - United States (California)

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
146 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47140) - you deserved it (5595)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was watching TV, when I heard a blood-curdling scream from my boyfriend upstairs. It sounded like he was being murdered with a rusty fork, and I rushed to see what the hell was going on, hitting my shin against the stairs in the process. He'd stubbed his toe. FML

#21064600
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41459) - you deserved it (5564)

On 02/18/2014 at 4:15pm - health - by dating a pussy (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

#21058095
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41815) - you deserved it (5478)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm - misc - by airhead2015 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I was grading work my students had done with a sub. I realized one student had gotten hold of the teachers' edition of the textbook when I read ten papers in a row that had "Student answers may vary" as the answer to problem number four. My students can't even cheat properly. FML

#21061154
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54891) - you deserved it (5393)

On 02/15/2014 at 2:11am - work - by chinaski7628 - United States (California)

Today, I worked up the courage to sing at an open mic night. I lost my cool halfway through because all I could hear was laughter. FML

#21063777
58 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41844) - you deserved it (5224)

On 02/17/2014 at 9:13pm - misc - by Sarri (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I went on a blind date. At the end of the night, I told him I had a surprisingly great time. He replied, "Yeah, that was fun. You're really funny and smart. If you were pretty, I'd totally go out with you again." FML

#21064082
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58252) - you deserved it (5171)

On 02/18/2014 at 12:45am - love - by fiercehawk (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, my school received the ranking for state tournaments. We're last. Our cheerleaders are too embarrassed to cheer for us. FML

Today, after 3 weeks of hard work, I finally finished painting my room. Apparently my 6-year-old brother thought I wasn't done and that he should help me out. I now have little red handprints all over my white walls. FML

#21063710
125 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38717) - you deserved it (5073)

On 02/17/2014 at 8:01pm - kids - by LittleArtist - United States (Alabama)



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