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Wednesday 12 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I accidentally asked the cashier at Wendy's how much their 99 cent chicken nuggets were. I guess he is still laughing at me. FML

#21056193
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34517) - you deserved it (17748)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:40am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, I needed to borrow money from my girlfriend. I went into her bag and pulled out the money all while a lady watched me open-mouthed. Turns out it wasn't my girlfriend's bag. It belonged to the lady watching me. FML

#21062237
105 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36097) - you deserved it (16194)

On 02/16/2014 at 7:56am - money - by anon - Australia (Australian Capital Territory)

Today, in the very middle of the night, my kitten started rubbing against my face. Thinking I saw her face in the darkness, I decided to kiss her before going back to bed. My lips made contact with her butthole. FML

#21058991
133 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45043) - you deserved it (15888)

On 02/13/2014 at 10:20am - animals - by Anonymous - United States (Nevada)

Today, I was waiting in line at a clothes store when someone cut in in front of me, and the gentlemen in front of me. I shouted, "Hey! Queue starts back here!". He responded by pointing out the "gentlemen" in front was actually a very realistic mannequin. FML

#21056589
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33000) - you deserved it (14393)

On 02/10/2014 at 7:45pm - misc - by QueueJumper (man) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, while getting intimate with my boyfriend, he started sucking on my breast. He ended up popping a pimple on it into his mouth. He threw up and that, as they say, was the end of that. FML

#21064527
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40752) - you deserved it (13930)

On 02/18/2014 at 2:49pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - Virgin Islands, U.S.

Today, while driving, I saw a dog run across the road. Feeling sorry for the pup on a cold, rainy night, I pulled my car over to pick it up. Once in, it started freaking out so I turned on the light. It was then that I realized I'd just put a wild coyote on my passenger seat. FML

Today, I had satanic gastric distress. Attempting to make light of this fact, and, being incredibly bored and seemingly alone at work, I managed to fart the intro to "Smoke on the Water" perfectly. Somebody clapped. FML

Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey on my breast. To be fair I decided to give him a hickey on his chest. He was so worried about catching shit from the guys on his swim team that he dislocated my jaw trying to get me off him. FML

Today, I was struggling through small-talk at a party where I knew nobody. Tattoos came up and I started talking about trendy, girly tattoos like feathers, anchors and infinity signs with stupid words in them. Turns out the girl I was talking to had all three. FML

#21065212
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37174) - you deserved it (9537)

On 02/19/2014 at 2:17am - misc - by thisismyawkwardface (woman) - South Africa (Gauteng)

Today, two days after sending her flowers for Valentine's Day, my dream girl asked me on a date. She didn't show up. Her boyfriend did though. FML

#21062645
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44130) - you deserved it (8622)

On 02/16/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by bruisedandconfused (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML

#21056743
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40548) - you deserved it (8274)

On 02/10/2014 at 10:16pm - animals - by alii2349 - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I decided to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML

#21061796
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36763) - you deserved it (7881)

On 02/15/2014 at 7:50pm - animals - by unloved cat owner - United States (California)

Today, my mom made a Facebook status about me: "My daughter is on her rags and won't shut the fuck up #annoyingbitch". FML

#21057121
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45674) - you deserved it (7509)

On 02/11/2014 at 11:09am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)



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