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Wednesday 5 February 2014

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Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

by Anonymous / 02/09/2014 at 2:00pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, after months of looking at cribs and picking out the perfect one for my unborn daughter, the store informed me that they no longer make that crib, even though the model is right there on the sales floor. I had to leave as my hormones got the best of me and I started bawling. FML

by pinknicki87 / 02/03/2014 at 12:34pm / United States (South Carolina) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

by Avomitmous / 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm / United Kingdom (Bournemouth) / Miscellaneous

Today, Facebook put something out that shows a video of your entire life on the website. A part of it showed your most popular status update. Mine was from when I got dumped at Christmas. FML

by BigLove / 02/04/2014 at 9:25pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Love

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

by vey / 02/08/2014 at 5:14pm / China (Beijing) / Miscellaneous

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

by dumbwifehappylife / 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm / United States (Maryland) / Money

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm / Australia / Love

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

by Lithiac / 02/04/2014 at 1:16am / United States (Florida) / Miscellaneous

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

by fuckmyplums / 02/07/2014 at 6:47pm / Austria (Salzburg) / Work

Today, I was ringing an elderly gentleman up at work. As I went to package up the buns he ordered, he held up a hand and told me to wait. He then looked me in the eyes, started squeezing them, then winked and told me to go ahead. I've never felt so violated. FML

by Anonymous / 02/04/2014 at 4:42pm / United Kingdom (Bristol, City of) / Love

Today, my boyfriend decided the best way to inform me of his shoplifting tendencies was to steal stuff while we were at Starbucks. FML

by lbailey32 / 02/03/2014 at 8:30pm / United States (New York) / Love

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

by blushingbride / 02/09/2014 at 4:59pm / United States (Georgia) / Love

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

by Anonymous / 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm / United States (Colorado) / Miscellaneous