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Wednesday 5 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47606) - you deserved it (4476)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45334) - you deserved it (4386)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML

#21055497
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35902) - you deserved it (4371)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:18pm - misc - by Avomitmous (woman) - United Kingdom (Bournemouth)

Today, and for the third time this week, I found a pubic hair in my soup. I'm currently bed-ridden and can't afford to piss off my boyfriend by complaining. FML

#21054632
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37447) - you deserved it (4366)

On 02/08/2014 at 5:14pm - misc - by vey (woman) - China (Beijing)

Today, I caught my boyfriend stealing money from my purse. He tried to turn it on me by claiming I'll owe him for the flowers he'll get me on Valentine's Day, then tried to make me feel guilty by saying the whole thing is for "selfish bitches anyway". FML

#21055376
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37948) - you deserved it (4356)

On 02/09/2014 at 2:00pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Massachusetts)

Today, at the grocery store, an elderly woman asked for help with some tea. I lent her a hand, spending a good twenty minutes reading different labels out loud until she found one she liked. After she was done, she handed me a pamphlet and said, "You're a nice girl. I hope you don't go to hell." FML

#21050005
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39143) - you deserved it (3913)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:16am - misc - by Lithiac - United States (Florida)

Today, my wife tried to report our neighbor's yard sale to the Better Business Bureau. FML

#21057520
83 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35149) - you deserved it (3841)

On 02/11/2014 at 8:37pm - money - by dumbwifehappylife (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

#21055534
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31415) - you deserved it (3812)

On 02/09/2014 at 4:59pm - love - by blushingbride - United States (Georgia)

Today, I worked up the nerve to ask my boss for a raise. Today is also the day I found out my boss has a shitlist of employees he wants to fire, and that I'm now on it. FML

#21053635
49 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35263) - you deserved it (3806)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:47pm - work - by fuckmyplums (man) - Austria (Salzburg)

Today, I found out the real reason my boyfriend kept starting fights with me, and why my best friend kept telling me to break up with him. It was so they could turn their affair into a proper relationship, then twist it around to make me look like a bitch for dumping him. FML

#21058247
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56249) - you deserved it (3757)

On 02/12/2014 at 4:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - Australia

Today, my mother-in-law tried to "accidentally" run me over. FML

#21052599
77 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42037) - you deserved it (3689)

On 02/06/2014 at 6:07pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, a woman pushed a stroller in front of my car. Thinking I'd hit someone, I jumped out. Turns out it was a doll. The "woman" was a 14-year-old girl, claiming, "I did it for the Vine!" FML

#21058421
127 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47908) - you deserved it (3547)

On 02/12/2014 at 7:52pm - misc - by Parusu - United States (Florida)

Today, my in-laws kept mocking me for being "too clean" because I take a shower every day. They think I'm weird and kept saying things like "Be careful when you hug your daughter, she might squeak!" and calling me names like "water-wasting bitch." They haven't stopped all day. FML

#21058081
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43871) - you deserved it (3516)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:26pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)



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  • "If drawing stuff is the food of love, then get a better pencil." That's not a real expression, I just made it up because I needed a good opening line. It's not even that good of an opening line, but…

Thursday 10 April 2014

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