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Wednesday 5 February 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I check my phone regularly for calls or texts from her. I take her out to eat frequently, and we sleep in the same bed sometimes. Today I realized the closest thing I have to a boyfriend is my grandma. FML

#21054270
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37710) - you deserved it (6588)

On 02/08/2014 at 10:12am - misc - by grandma - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

#21049518
260 comments

I agree, your life sucks (56841) - you deserved it (6486)

On 02/03/2014 at 5:47pm - love - by well i'm fucked (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I heard my sister talking to my mom about me, saying that I have the ability to suck the life out of a room like a Dementor. I walked in and asked what she meant by that. My mom replied, "She means you're an asshole." I love you too, mom. FML

#21055293
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35217) - you deserved it (6260)

On 02/09/2014 at 12:00pm - misc - by jigglepuff - United States (Arizona)

Today, I had to explain to my husband why saving the condom from the first time we had sex is not romantic. FML

#21054738
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54697) - you deserved it (6222)

On 02/08/2014 at 7:42pm - intimacy - by O_o - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend gave me a teddy bear. I thought it was a sweet thing to do, until I saw him open a slit in its back while visiting later in the day and removing a bag of weed. He gave me a teddy bear just so he could smuggle drugs past my parents. FML

#21049461
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44560) - you deserved it (6118)

On 02/03/2014 at 4:29pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I took my girlfriend out to a vegetarian-friendly restaurant. She ordered shrimp fettuccine, and I asked why. She slowly explained to me that vegetarians can eat shrimp, then muttered that she now knows who has the brains in our relationship. FML

#21057323
241 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46663) - you deserved it (6091)

On 02/11/2014 at 4:50pm - love - by not even getting any of her shrimp (man) - United States (Utah)

Today, my mother thought it would be funny to sneak into my room at night and scream like a demon after I had explained to her how scared I was of the exorcist movie I had just seen. She claims it wasn't her. FML

#21054343
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43032) - you deserved it (5835)

On 02/08/2014 at 12:13pm - misc - by so scared - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my house is on lockdown. I recently moved to Georgia from Rhode Island to be with my boyfriend. The state is on high alert for an ice storm. I'm stuck inside with my terrified boyfriend, who's calling it "the storm of the century". I used to walk to school in this weather. FML

#21058111
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48036) - you deserved it (5505)

On 02/12/2014 at 1:25pm - misc - by Stuck - United States (Georgia)

Today, while cleaning a carpet in my house, something in it sliced my foot. I couldn't find what it was, so I went to clean the wound. 10 minutes later, I sliced my foot again on the same thing. I still can't figure out what it was. FML

#21052729
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45147) - you deserved it (5379)

On 02/06/2014 at 8:32pm - health - by sashimi9999 - United States (California)

Today, something ran across my foot while I was on the toilet. Hearing me scream, my husband ran in. We now have a new "pet" mouse named Jerry that I am not allowed to kill under threat of divorce. FML

Today, at work, a customer asked me to unlock the restroom for them. I honestly couldn't figure out which gender they were, but I didn't want to be rude and ask, so I took a chance. I unlocked the wrong one. FML

#21056381
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44061) - you deserved it (5224)

On 02/10/2014 at 3:48pm - work - by elizabethkalyn (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I ran out of toilet paper. I yelled from the bathroom for my parents to bring me some toilet paper. My dad slipped one tiny piece of toilet paper under the door and boomed, "THE FINAL TEST." FML

#21058095
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39493) - you deserved it (5223)

On 02/12/2014 at 12:57pm - misc - by airhead2015 (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, my brother came to my first standup comedy act. He'd apparently read my material beforehand, and kept finishing my jokes for me. FML

#21050455
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51086) - you deserved it (5128)

On 02/04/2014 at 5:08pm - misc - by DeeDee - Austria (Wien)



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