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Friday 31 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I woke up after a night out partying only to find I'd wet the bed. I was so ashamed that I rolled my girlfriend into it to avoid taking the blame. FML

#21042040
188 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21677) - you deserved it (57458)

On 01/27/2014 at 5:31pm - misc - by :( (man) - Algeria

Today, wanting to break up with my boyfriend, I invited him to dinner with my parents. I was sure they'd hate him, which would give me the excuse I needed. They ended up loving him, and now they won't stop mentioning marriage. FML

#21053604
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22748) - you deserved it (48571)

On 02/07/2014 at 6:16pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, due to the dry weather, my nose became dry and began to bleed so I plugged it with toilet paper and went about my business. Forgetting about it, I later went out to smoke a cigarette. Not paying attention, I lit the toilet paper on fire as well. FML

#21050725
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35950) - you deserved it (40495)

On 02/04/2014 at 9:48pm - health - by anonymous - United States

Today, I was at my new boyfriend's house, and he was taking a shower. I had to take a crap real bad, but his apartment only has the one bathroom. I couldn't wait for him to finish, and ended having to shit in a plastic bag. FML

#21044466
208 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49936) - you deserved it (21914)

On 01/29/2014 at 7:52pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I presented my child with the classic "Who came first, the chicken or the egg?" conundrum. In return, I got a detailed lecture on how birds evolved from dinosaurs, how life was created in the sea and an explanation about evolution. I got schooled by a 9 year old. FML

#21051355
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42150) - you deserved it (21903)

On 02/05/2014 at 2:52pm - kids - by Evolution mama (woman) - Iceland (Gullbringusysla)

Today, the guy I was sexting asked me to stop including my face in the pictures. FML

#21050596
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49401) - you deserved it (20109)

On 02/04/2014 at 7:41pm - intimacy - by khfhjfsb (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my girlfriend and I were quite drunk while we were fooling around on the couch, when I decided I wanted to lose my virginity to her. I was two thrusts in when she burst out laughing. Looking down, I realized I was between her cheeks and the couch cushion. I lost my virginity to her couch. FML

#21053213
85 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52660) - you deserved it (18592)

On 02/07/2014 at 9:18am - intimacy - by Unknown - United States (Iowa)

Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend, and I really started getting into it. I said, "Hang on tight, this is gonna get intense." She replied, "Doubt it" and yawned. FML

#21044260
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52186) - you deserved it (16614)

On 01/29/2014 at 4:04pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Wrexham)

Today, I jokingly told my boyfriend he was like an animal in bed. He responded saying I was like a dead animal in bed. FML

#21052943
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43939) - you deserved it (15724)

On 02/06/2014 at 11:48pm - intimacy - by cryface (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I was at the library, working with some classmates on our major semester project. I accidentally killed power to the row of computers by me. I've never had so many enraged faces looking at me before. FML

#21052823
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34976) - you deserved it (14876)

On 02/06/2014 at 10:07pm - work - by AnonymousQuagga - United States (Texas)

Today, as I came home from school, I saw a little rock in the road. I kicked it, intending to send it sailing into the bushes in front of my house. It went wide and sailed straight into a window instead. FML

#21050272
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29658) - you deserved it (14827)

On 02/04/2014 at 1:00pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (New York)

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39250) - you deserved it (14640)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, as usual, I stress ate. After having my exams prolonged for an extra week, I ate three extremely large packs of Skittles, and then threw them all up. Taste the rainbow, puke the rainbow. FML

#21048665
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38326) - you deserved it (14268)

On 02/02/2014 at 10:26pm - health - by Sad Student - Canada (Ontario)



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