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Friday 24 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was eating at a Chinese restaurant, when I stopped the waitress to tell her that even though I am of Chinese heritage, I can't understand a word of Chinese. After an awkward silence, she told me she was actually speaking English. FML

#21042741
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39274) - you deserved it (14648)

On 01/28/2014 at 6:16am - misc - by ChickenBallsPlease (woman) - United Kingdom (Norfolk)

Today, as a priest's helper in church, I was giving Communion. It took me three people to realize that every time I was giving them the Eucharist, I was saying, "May the force be with you". FML

#21041278
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41568) - you deserved it (12549)

On 01/26/2014 at 11:37pm - work - by sabz21 - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39049) - you deserved it (12505)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my girlfriend and I made love. She stared at her One Direction poster the whole time. FML

#21046460
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55077) - you deserved it (11798)

On 01/31/2014 at 6:50pm - intimacy - by mylifesucks (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46047) - you deserved it (11534)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, my boyfriend finally succeeded in unhooking my bra with one hand, excitedly exclaiming, "Boobies be free!" FML

#21043704
110 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44429) - you deserved it (11474)

On 01/29/2014 at 12:13am - love - by freed - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went down on the girl of my dreams. While I was down there, I started to put on a condom. As I came back up to start having sex, she told me she couldn't cheat on her boyfriend. FML

#21046118
185 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59182) - you deserved it (11470)

On 01/31/2014 at 10:29am - intimacy - by wtfjusthappened - United States (Washington)

Today, at work teaching a cooking class, one of the kids asked if they could use a knife to help me chop vegetables. I said no, because it was very sharp and only staff members are allowed to use them. Just as I said that, the knife sliced through the tip of my thumb. FML

#21042937
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39862) - you deserved it (10909)

On 01/28/2014 at 12:06pm - health - by just the tip, though - United States (Georgia)

Today, my girlfriend dumped me because she found some lesbian porn on my computer. Her reasoning? That I must secretly be gay. FML

#21042109
217 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46933) - you deserved it (10723)

On 01/27/2014 at 6:32pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - Puerto Rico

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51572) - you deserved it (10155)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44206) - you deserved it (9960)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML

#21040159
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45946) - you deserved it (9457)

On 01/25/2014 at 11:29pm - kids - by mom - United States (Texas)



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