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Friday 17 January 2014

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I came home from the army and explained to my family how tough it was there. Then, as I was walking away, I stubbed my toe on the couch, fell and cried. FML

#21036979
161 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43465) - you deserved it (14952)

On 01/23/2014 at 7:53am - misc - by MarBlu - United States

Today, my students unanimously agreed, in front of me, that the only reason they take my course is to look at my ass. FML

#21028396
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57246) - you deserved it (14009)

On 01/15/2014 at 12:54am - intimacy - by jseid2 - United States (California)

Today, after a big argument, my girlfriend looked me dead in the eyes and said "I can go the rest of my life without sex, you know." 5ML

#21038360
126 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49260) - you deserved it (12531)

On 01/24/2014 at 3:24pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Sent from mobile version

Today, I dropped my phone in the wet snow. I read that putting it in rice helps to get the water out. Three pieces of rice are now frozen into the power port, and I can't get the charger in. FML

#21034026
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39097) - you deserved it (12526)

On 01/20/2014 at 3:34pm - misc - by merrr - Canada

Today, I noticed that the condom in my wallet has been there so long it's left a mark. FML

Today, my 7-year-old daughter made a new game: hitting me in the groin when I'm not expecting it. She hunts me in the house, hides around corners, and behind furniture to ambush me. She'll even do it if she catches me napping. I'm a grown man living in fear of a little girl. FML

#21029770
326 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53089) - you deserved it (11941)

On 01/16/2014 at 12:57pm - kids - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oregon)

Today, my wife and I were watching a football game. While someone was about to score, she started screaming, "Go!" and "Come on! You can do it! Go baby, go!" My first thought was that I wished I could still make her scream like that. FML

#21026614
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53643) - you deserved it (11407)

On 01/13/2014 at 2:48pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Tennessee)

Today, and for the past week, my dog started barking at my door when I start masturbating. I think my mom is starting to suspect. FML

#21037288
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47536) - you deserved it (10565)

On 01/23/2014 at 4:06pm - intimacy - by fappy dog - United States (Illinois)

Today, my plans for having sex with my girlfriend were thwarted for the sixth time in a row by my own mother. I found out later that she's been reading my texts so she knew when to drop by and ruin everything. FML

#21035329
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51658) - you deserved it (10177)

On 01/21/2014 at 6:26pm - intimacy - by MM - United States (Maine)

Today, I asked my girlfriend's dad for permission to take her hand in marriage. He said no, because he doesn't want her marrying a "sexist idiot who treats her like property", which he thinks asking permission amounts to, then told me to grow up. FML

#21033078
235 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49201) - you deserved it (10059)

On 01/19/2014 at 5:59pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I shut one of my breasts in my car door. FML

#21031414
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51464) - you deserved it (9647)

On 01/18/2014 at 1:29am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Colorado)

Today, after I took my first set of exams, my professor posted on Twitter, scoffing at how stupid one student's answer was. The answer he quoted was one that I wrote. FML

#21036248
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46628) - you deserved it (9445)

On 01/22/2014 at 4:41pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Saskatchewan)

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex. After a while, he started staring at my lady parts, and said my "vag looks like a mockingjay". He then stretched the lips apart like wings and made little "CA-CAW CA-CAW!" sounds. FML

#21033383
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58638) - you deserved it (9424)

On 01/19/2014 at 10:59pm - intimacy - by Goodyear (woman) - United States (Arizona)



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