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Friday 15 November 2013

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Today, my girlfriend tried explaining a duck flying into our living room and taking a shit everywhere as "paranormal activity". FML

by Anonymous / 11/19/2013 at 8:09pm / United States (Minnesota) / Animals

Today, I had an interview scheduled for 10:05. When I got there, someone was talking to them, so I sat down to wait. Little did I know this wait would be 45 minutes. I got told to go home and that I'd be rescheduled. FML

by innocent72 / 11/19/2013 at 4:07pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Work

Today, some kids used firecrackers to blow up my mailbox. This is the third time this week. FML

by kids next door / 11/18/2013 at 5:14am / United States (North Carolina) / Kids

Today, my father took revenge on me for bankrupting him in a game of Monopoly. His revenge consisted of having a truckload of sand dumped in my driveway while I was at work. FML

by Anonymous / 11/22/2013 at 3:51pm / United States (Washington) / Miscellaneous

Today, I tried to put the little girl I babysit in timeout for lying to me. I was about to sit her down when she made a mad dash for the basement stairs, slipped on the wood floor, and fell down them. She told her parents and everyone at the ER that I had thrown her down the stairs. FML

by little_star78 / 11/13/2013 at 6:08am / United States (Michigan) / Kids

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me, because he thought he heard another guy in the room when he called me, and that I'm cheating on him. The guy he heard was a character from a cartoon my sister was watching. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 5:35pm / United States (Texas) / Love

Today, I saw a psychiatrist for the first time. After telling her everything I'm going through, she looked at me and said "You know... every five years or so I get a case completely beyond my ability to help." I guess it's been five years. FML

by elle / 11/19/2013 at 12:31pm / United States (Illinois) / Health

Today, I went to an over-crowded grocery store. As I reached the front of a long line, I noticed that a cart had been abandoned in everybody's way. Trying to be helpful, I moved it to the side. An enormous woman then shoved me and yelled at me for "pushing her property around." FML

by PainStressLife / 11/11/2013 at 12:17am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I found out that my roommate secretly edited a paper I wrote and recently turned in, so that it repeatedly refers to the famed author "Kneel Gayman." I'm positive that's not how it's spelled. FML

by Anonymous / 11/15/2013 at 3:30pm / United States (New York) / Work

Today, my trusty old car decided that it no longer needed its back passenger window-pane, and that in fact the window would look a lot better smashed to pieces by the roadside. FML

by Anonymous / 11/14/2013 at 10:17am / Ireland / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up to something tickling me. Thinking it was my cat, I reached under the covers to give her a friendly scratch behind the ears. I imagine the giant spider that was actually there enjoyed my terrified screams. FML

by thatsnotacat / 11/21/2013 at 12:52pm / Australia (Queensland) / Animals

Today, my debate partner repeatedly said "You mad, bro?" to the opposing team in our college debate class. That debate was worth a considerable portion of our grade. FML

by gonnafail / 11/16/2013 at 3:18pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous

Today, working as a cashier, I had a customer come through and ask to purchase a bag of ice. I asked, "Eight pound or twenty pound?", referring to the clearly marked weight of the bags. He replied, "What's the difference?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/12/2013 at 6:56pm / United States (Maryland) / Work