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Monday 11 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my boyfriend of three years sent me a text message saying "It's over!". I sent him maybe a thousand texts saying "Why?", "What do you mean?!" After an hour of crying and whatnot, I realized he had driver's education today and that he was saying the class was over. FML

#20959504
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28313) - you deserved it (42853)

On 11/16/2013 at 5:06am - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML

#20959868
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (22129) - you deserved it (42764)

On 11/16/2013 at 2:31pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - Sent from mobile version

Today, at the gym, I realized the guy who has been staring at me for the past 3 days is the same guy I promised to text back 5 months ago. FML

#20954898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (19394) - you deserved it (41485)

On 11/12/2013 at 6:18am - love - by awkwardencounters - United States (New Jersey)

Today, while chatting to my mother, I tried to show her a funny website by pasting the URL into a message. After I sent the message, I realised that my browser hadn't copied the URL I wanted to send her, and that I'd actually pasted the previous URL I copied. It was porn. FML

#20957289
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20157) - you deserved it (40854)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:57am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Australia (Queensland)

Today, while feeling sick, I decided to go to a furniture store to sit down for a few minutes. I'm now the proud owner of an expensive, vomit-stained recliner. FML

Today, while swimming in the ocean, I felt some sand under my wedding ring. I took it off for a second, and got hit by a huge wave. My ring is now lost somewhere in the ocean. FML

#20961838
172 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27544) - you deserved it (35909)

On 11/18/2013 at 4:14am - misc - by smiley1014 (man) - United States

Today, I turned 30. While all my friends are getting married, furthering careers and having children, I'm still sat around being as immature as I was as a teenager. I'm going through a classic case of premature age-jaculation. I laughed for 10 minutes after coming up with that. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I decided to try flavored condoms. I guess I enjoyed them a little too much; I almost choked half to death on a strawberry cockcicle. FML

#20961988
120 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38229) - you deserved it (14843)

On 11/18/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by flavored (woman) - United States

Today, my dad walked in on me jacking off. He swore and told me to lock my door next time. Later on I heard him snickering and telling my mom that I jack off "real weird." FML

#20957730
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43301) - you deserved it (13887)

On 11/14/2013 at 5:15pm - intimacy - by jack s.b. (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, after just having used the bathroom, my ring fell in the toilet. After stealthily removing it with a toothbrush, I went to go wash it in the sink. It then fell down the drain. FML

#20960472
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40619) - you deserved it (11785)

On 11/17/2013 at 1:00am - misc - by LizGo - United States (South Carolina)

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
138 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42875) - you deserved it (11197)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

#20956277
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37013) - you deserved it (10141)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by footstuck - United States (North Carolina)



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