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Friday 8 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

#20952990
102 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43660) - you deserved it (3970)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I took my 13 year old fishing off the pier for dogfish. The only thing he caught was a piece of my ear. FML

#20952293
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38862) - you deserved it (3960)

On 11/10/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother not only told me that my ex-husband will be spending Thanksgiving with her and my dad, but that I'm also no longer invited to spend the holiday with my family. FML

#20950805
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47740) - you deserved it (3931)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:54pm - misc - by zoe777 (woman) - United States

Today, my girlfriend "got even" with me after an argument by telling people that I've been beating her. Three guys later came over to my place and beat the crap out of me. Her reaction: "I didn't think they'd take it so serious!" FML

Today, in the small hours of the morning, my roommate's boyfriend kicked his foot through the thin wall separating our bedrooms during sex. They didn't even stop. FML

#20956290
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47912) - you deserved it (3871)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:08pm - intimacy - by BreakingTheMood (woman) - Finland (Southern Finland)

Today, I learned I was conceived to the sounds of a Spice Girls album. FML

#20954288
128 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34834) - you deserved it (3821)

On 11/11/2013 at 6:58pm - misc - by queenxalee (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I donated blood. Afterwards, I regained consciousness on the floor with a half-eaten cookie in my mouth. FML

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44653) - you deserved it (3688)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I made eye contact with a cute guy from across a packed train. He then yelled out, in front of everyone, "You've got foam on your nose!" FML

#20958414
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34039) - you deserved it (3681)

On 11/15/2013 at 4:45am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (Oxfordshire)

Today, I let my sister hold my newborn daughter for the first time. I heard her mutter under her breath, "I could kill you so easily..." FML

Today, while taking an order over the phone for the customer at work, I began to hear slight moans. The moans gradually became faster and louder, until climax was achieved and I realized I was being used for phone sex. FML

#20955245
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44719) - you deserved it (3637)

On 11/12/2013 at 3:29pm - work - by long day - United States (Michigan)

Today, I asked a co-worker why he was wearing sandals, as they are not allowed under our strict dress code. He got extremely angry with me and stormed off. Ten minutes later, I got called into our boss' office. Apparently, he told her that I walked up to him and asked to suck his toes. FML

#20956059
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41227) - you deserved it (3636)

On 11/13/2013 at 4:00am - work - by feetfreak (woman) - United States (California)

Today, my sister introduced our parents to her new boyfriend. He's my boyfriend, and he told me he was going to be out of state for a few weeks on business. FML



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