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Friday 8 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
221 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44372) - you deserved it (8207)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, while shopping for clothes, I asked the assistant to recommend something for me. She took me to the maternity section. Thanks, but I'm not pregnant. FML

#20956268
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39981) - you deserved it (7355)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:30pm - misc - by fml - United Kingdom (Surrey)

Today, my wife and I were watching Killing Kennedy. Jokingly, I said, "Spoiler alert: he dies." She threw a book at me and won't talk to me. I think she's serious. FML

#20953867
98 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47707) - you deserved it (7273)

On 11/11/2013 at 12:20pm - misc - by Thomas - United States (Virginia)

Today, I discovered that the guy I've been seeing is a firm supporter of the Westboro Baptist Church. FML

#20947273
236 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57601) - you deserved it (7259)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:06am - love - by maddie - United States (Texas)

Today, I was quizzing a girl at my college, and I noticed that when she answered a question, her ears wiggled. It was cute, so I pointed it out. She burst into tears, and the guy next to me said, "Way to make her feel insecure, douchebag." FML

Today, I was watching some episodes of The Walking Dead with my boyfriend, after recently introducing him to the series. A scene involving Carl came on, and my boyfriend said, "God damn. You ever give me a kid that annoying, I'll shoot both of ya right in the head." FML

#20950616
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40558) - you deserved it (7153)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:50pm - misc - by kel (woman) - United Kingdom (Coventry)

Today, I was conducting surveys over the phone at work. As I called a new respondent, someone answered the phone, burped loudly, and hung up. This isn't the first time. I hate this job. FML

Today, I was having sex for the first time with a girl who wanted to be friends with benefits. Halfway through sex she noticed that I had the same tattoo as her brother, and had a full-on panic attack that lasted half-an-hour. FML

#20948735
117 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55574) - you deserved it (6916)

On 11/07/2013 at 3:52am - intimacy - by thatescalatedquickly (man) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, while my hometown mayor becomes a world-famous crackhead and douche-bag, here in the UK it has come to this: when people hear my accent and ask me if I'm American, it's less embarrassing just to say, "Yeah", rather than admit I'm Canadian. FML

#20958357
26 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39763) - you deserved it (6702)

On 11/15/2013 at 2:05am - misc - by unproud (man) - United Kingdom (Luton)

Today, I found out my best friend made a program to reply to my text messages with random sentences from a list. It took 15 minutes of texting before I finally noticed. FML

#20959084
55 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39381) - you deserved it (6022)

On 11/15/2013 at 8:15pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - India (Gujarat)

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (26233) - you deserved it (5911)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54008) - you deserved it (5644)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53739) - you deserved it (5575)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)



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