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Friday 8 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, a girl came up and hugged me. At first I was frightened, but then I asked who she was. Turns out she was the kid I babysat for 3 years. She cried when she realized I didn't remember her, then threw gravel in my face and ran away. FML

Today, I realized how amazing I've become at faking orgasms: I made up everything from the noises of my juices to pure, blissful climax over the phone to my husband. He came; I finished putting laundry away. FML

#20955991
136 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48065) - you deserved it (12631)

On 11/13/2013 at 1:40am - intimacy - by CanWeAllGetOne - United States (Texas)

Today, I superglued the sole back into my shoe. Unfortunately, the glue didn't dry as quickly as it said it would on the bottle. The glue seeped through the sole and my foot got superglued to my shoe. FML

#20956277
87 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39253) - you deserved it (11205)

On 11/13/2013 at 12:51pm - misc - by footstuck - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my boyfriend's response to me saying "Most women like a bit of filth in the bedroom every now and again" was to start farting in bed. Not quite what I meant. FML

#20946422
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44396) - you deserved it (10706)

On 11/05/2013 at 1:01pm - intimacy - by roughsexgonewrong (woman) - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, somebody broke into my car, just to steal the obviously fake $1,000,000 bill hanging from my rear-view mirror. FML

#20951747
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43851) - you deserved it (10696)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:27pm - money - by jsyn (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

#20945220
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46005) - you deserved it (10243)

On 11/04/2013 at 2:17pm - misc - by barebackingit (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, I had planned to break up with my overbearing girlfriend. She went into complete denial mode, bought me a pair of oversized sunglasses and tomorrow we're going ice-skating. Kill me now. FML

#20947052
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42048) - you deserved it (10235)

On 11/05/2013 at 9:53pm - love - by Trapped. (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I decided to make what I thought was a pretzel recipe. I ended up eating cooked, egg-coated play dough. Literally, homemade Play-Doh. FML

Today, after making several comments about how I didn't exactly look thin, my boyfriend said, "Well, at least we know you'll look good pregnant." FML

#20954137
134 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42563) - you deserved it (9581)

On 11/11/2013 at 4:41pm - love - by Cheer4Life (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I walked under a tree and heard birds chirping from above. I stopped and looked up, only to catch a face full of bird shit. FML

#20947706
72 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43762) - you deserved it (8846)

On 11/06/2013 at 1:08pm - animals - by lbg2msf (man) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I was in my room playing with my pet. I told my snake, "Who needs friends when I have you?" Through the wall I heard my neighbors say, "You do." I've never met my neighbors. FML

#20949324
65 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40651) - you deserved it (8202)

On 11/07/2013 at 6:08pm - misc - by Where is the faith in Humanity - United States (Washington)

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

#20945549
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44268) - you deserved it (8115)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm - intimacy - by UnfortunatelyAmusing (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, she did it again. While I was minding my own business reading the paper, she casually walked up to me and slashed my face with her nails, drawing blood and screams of pain. I need to get out of this abusive relationship, but no one will adopt my asshole of a cat. FML

#20950555
219 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42982) - you deserved it (7995)

On 11/08/2013 at 6:02pm - animals - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)



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