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Monday 4 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, as always, my boyfriend has the ability to pop his eyeballs out of his eye sockets. He thought it'd be funny for me to wake up face-to-face with the disgusting sight. The shit in my bowels did an early Thanksgiving Day parade straight into my underwear. FML

#20952990
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41515) - you deserved it (3775)

On 11/10/2013 at 6:27pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, while working at Chipotle, a teenage girl asked in all seriousness if she "could have a steak burrito, but with like, chicken instead?" FML

#20951236
132 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43897) - you deserved it (3611)

On 11/09/2013 at 9:15am - work - by fmylyfe (man) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I was pouring boiling water into a cup, and I accidentally spilled it all over my hand. My mother responded by slapping me for getting water everywhere. My hand is scorched red, but thanks, I love you too, mother. FML

#20948987
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40764) - you deserved it (3583)

On 11/07/2013 at 12:12pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - Ireland

Today, I went on what I thought was a date. After a wonderful night with a perfect gentleman, he told me how excited he is that he's moving in with his girlfriend next week, and thanked me for reassuring him that he doesn't want anyone but her. FML

#20950992
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50787) - you deserved it (3565)

On 11/09/2013 at 12:17am - love - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my boyfriend moved out and took all his things with him. He also took some things that didn't belong to him, namely my rent money. My landlord comes tomorrow. FML

#20951618
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42222) - you deserved it (3481)

On 11/09/2013 at 3:41pm - money - by Anonymous (woman) - United States

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

#20946588
109 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39394) - you deserved it (3469)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:01pm - misc - by :/ (man) - United States (Michigan)

Today, I've invited friends and family to my birthday party. I've also come home to find that my parents didn't pay the water bill. I either have to tell everyone I know that they are uninvited or not to take dumps in my house. FML

#20949952
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38389) - you deserved it (3400)

On 11/08/2013 at 2:49am - misc - by sammyducks227 - United States (Missouri)

Today, at the movies, some asswipe kept throwing candy at me. After 20 minutes of it, I got up and went over to get him to stop. Good news: his balls vanished faster than a politician's spine immediately after being elected. Bad news: I got kicked out for "starting a disturbance". FML

#20952633
66 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36963) - you deserved it (3384)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:26pm - misc - by fuck you, bitchcake (man) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, in the lunch line at school, a kid literally ordered a "hamburger with extra swag." FML

#20950369
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44463) - you deserved it (3354)

On 11/08/2013 at 3:12pm - work - by thank god you'll only live once (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my uncle gave me a very expensive bottle of champagne at a celebratory family event. We were celebrating me spending 1 year sober. FML

#20951207
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45289) - you deserved it (3226)

On 11/09/2013 at 8:20am - misc - by Falling off the wagon - United Kingdom (Brighton and Hove)

Today, I googled myself in preparation for my upcoming job interview. Turns out there's a girl on Twitter with my name and age who tweets nonstop about getting wasted and being on probation. She won't make her profile private. FML

#20944947
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44005) - you deserved it (3137)

On 11/04/2013 at 7:08am - work - by twitterfailsme (woman) - Israel (HaMerkaz)

Today, my relatives won't acknowledge my existence unless I'm posting a picture of my cat. They only talk about the cat. FML

#20946616
64 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35054) - you deserved it (3130)

On 11/05/2013 at 4:26pm - misc - by Steiner (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my five-year-old stepson announced that he is finally no longer scared of flushing toilets. Immediately after, I discovered that he's now decided that he's scared of the bathroom sink. FML

#20947649
67 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36754) - you deserved it (3076)

On 11/06/2013 at 11:33am - kids - by TheMommas (woman) - United States (Texas)



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