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Monday 4 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my husband's version of roleplaying was pretending that he actually wanted to have sex with me. FML

#20950083
62 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27088) - you deserved it (5986)

On 11/08/2013 at 9:00am - intimacy - by xomelodygervais (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, everything that was beautiful and pure in my life turned into a terrible, warped version of what it once was. Today, I lost all hope, and no longer believe that life, although sometimes shitty, is sweet and worth living. Today, I met my mother-in-law. FML

#20949272
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54805) - you deserved it (5725)

On 11/07/2013 at 5:21pm - misc - by Anonymous - United Kingdom (Derry)

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54584) - you deserved it (5646)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, while teaching juniors about black holes, I said, "Imagine everything being sucked into a black hole." An African-American student shouted, "I'd better start clenching!" Nobody took the lesson seriously after that. FML

#20946225
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46719) - you deserved it (5645)

On 11/05/2013 at 8:22am - work - by regretsteachinghighschool - United States (Minnesota)

Today, for the tenth time, my teacher made a misbehaving student sit next to me as punishment. He begged for detention instead. FML

#20945365
103 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51022) - you deserved it (5605)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:01pm - misc - by WinkleBottom (man) - United States

Today, I found out that when you flush an animal clear of blood for research, there is a nerve inside the heart, which when you strike it right, electrical signals cause the animal to writhe as if alive. Now, my boss knows about my fear of zombies, and I'm now terrified of half my job. FML

#20953149
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40565) - you deserved it (5247)

On 11/10/2013 at 8:52pm - work - by kittkatt1 - United States (Michigan)

Today, I got a call from my husband asking me to bail him out from jail. He was arrested after being caught having sex with a waitress in a restaurant bathroom. FML

#20951750
174 comments

I agree, your life sucks (68239) - you deserved it (5088)

On 11/09/2013 at 6:30pm - intimacy - by f (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, my mother was scolding my youngest sister for having unprotected sex with yet another partner. She continued with, "Why can't you be like your brother and just never have sex?" I'm 22, and she's not wrong. FML

#20952236
60 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48241) - you deserved it (5027)

On 11/10/2013 at 1:15am - misc - by notgettinsome - Australia

Today, my brother and I got into an intense argument that ended up with us trading blows and having the cops called on us. Apparently I was "insulting his intelligence" by trying to explain that you don't make buttermilk by putting butter in milk. He's 18. FML

Today, despite my fear of using public restrooms, I was forced to anyway to avoid my bladder exploding. I was finally getting over it when someone stuck their head under the stall to "see if someone's in there". I'm scared more now than I was before. FML

#20947778
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47007) - you deserved it (4937)

On 11/06/2013 at 2:09pm - misc - by s3xygrandpa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband and I went for our 20 week scan and found out we're having a girl. The first thing he said to me was, "The next one better be a boy or I'm leaving you". FML

#20952357
239 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53610) - you deserved it (4748)

On 11/10/2013 at 5:28am - kids - by Naomi - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, because I'm tall enough to see over the cubicle walls at work, I witnessed my 50-year-old co-worker pulling his finger out of his nose and immediately popping it into his mouth. FML

#20947682
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39155) - you deserved it (4637)

On 11/06/2013 at 12:27pm - work - by Wraith (man) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, after doing vigorous chores all day with my girlfriend, her mom came and paid us each $100. My girlfriend cried and threw a fit because she said they were her chores, so she deserves all the money. FML

#20952303
155 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50506) - you deserved it (4528)

On 11/10/2013 at 3:03am - love - by Go away - United States (Iowa)



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