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Friday 1 November 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I was telling my friends a story. I added a few "embellishments" to make it more intense. One my friends piped up with, "I was with you, half of what you just said wasn't true". It's now all over Facebook and I'm known as "The Bullshitter". FML

#20944930
144 comments

I agree, your life sucks (16180) - you deserved it (64902)

On 11/04/2013 at 6:39am - misc - by Anonymous -

Today, I was escorted out of a grocery store for beating my boyfriend with a block of cheese. FML

Today, as my wife and I were getting intimate, I thought I would try a little "dirty talk". I whispered in her ear that I would "dick her down good". She couldn't stop laughing. FML

#20946325
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27637) - you deserved it (54588)

On 11/05/2013 at 10:26am - intimacy - by Something I said? (man) - United States (New York)

Today, my family got together for a big game of paintball. My grandpa wanted to play too, but I told him he was a bit too old for such a rough sport. He joined anyway, and spent the whole 2 hours hunting my dumb ass down. I'm now in constant pain after being riddled with paintballs. FML

#20941762
96 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21472) - you deserved it (50370)

On 11/01/2013 at 7:55pm - health - by nl4 (man) - Israel (Tel Aviv)

Today, it's the fourth day of my new diet. I told my friends and family to watch me every time I eat to make sure it's healthy. I got so desperate that I hid some chocolates in my pocket then scarfed them down while pooping. FML

#20941432
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17657) - you deserved it (45647)

On 11/01/2013 at 2:52pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I woke up to a brand new password on my phone that only my wife knows. Apparently, she thinks I've been looking at my phone more than I've been talking to her lately. FML

#20942179
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24854) - you deserved it (42942)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:27am - love - by LockedOut (man) - United States

Today, I played a friendly prank on my dad, loosening the legs of his chair so it would fall apart when he sat on it. He responded by making me stand outside and watch as he keyed both sides of my car, front to back, as punishment. FML

#20944097
200 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35925) - you deserved it (41439)

On 11/03/2013 at 4:32pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - Cyprus (Nicosia)

Today, my girlfriend asked me if I could love anything more than her, and if so, what. I guess "bacon" was the wrong answer. FML

#20936378
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27800) - you deserved it (41187)

On 10/28/2013 at 12:58am - love - by BaconLover - Japan

Today, there was a power outage at my apartment. I ended up deciding that the power wasn't going to come on any time soon, and that I should go to a hotel for the night. Just after I unpacked at the hotel, my neighbor called to say the power had come back. FML

#20942793
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20257) - you deserved it (40311)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:41pm - misc - by FUCKING POWER - United States (Michigan)

Today, I finally got to surprise my boyfriend with a birthday cake. I spent four days planning the perfect one. First thing he says? "Erm, you know I'm 32, right?" I got his age wrong. FML

#20937690
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28376) - you deserved it (32887)

On 10/29/2013 at 6:40am - misc - by Anonymous - Australia

Today, I went to the bathroom on the way to class. After washing my hands, I couldn't figure out how to turn off the water. I finally resorted to asking a professor for help. She turned it off, looked me in the eyes and said, "Please don't tell me you're here on a scholarship." FML

#20948176
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24661) - you deserved it (32357)

On 11/06/2013 at 7:16pm - misc - by nevergoingtopeeagain - United States (Texas)

Today, my grocery shopping consisted of Poptarts, SpaghettiOs, Lucky Charms, Popsicles, Easy Mac, and Twinkies. I'm a 25-year-old woman with no kids. FML

#20947507
193 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34043) - you deserved it (20720)

On 11/06/2013 at 8:04am - misc - by pathetic (woman) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, I've been awake for nearly three days due to homework and my mom's wedding preparations, so I took some adderall to keep me awake at school. I took too much, totally zoned out in class, became hopelessly fascinated by my own hand, and was accused of doing drugs. FML

#20950229
129 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37576) - you deserved it (20422)

On 11/08/2013 at 12:43pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Nebraska)



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