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Monday 28 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I finally worked up enough courage to ask out the guy I've had a crush on for months. I texted him, and he thought I was Maddy from work, not Maddie his neighbor. Now he and the Maddy from his work are dating. FML

#20945397
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (48081) - you deserved it (4642)

On 11/04/2013 at 5:27pm - love - by :/ (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, my husband and I were watching Jurassic Park. At the end of the movie, he commented on how amazed he was that they could "train those dinosaurs" to do exactly what they wanted them to do. FML

#20937890
111 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44293) - you deserved it (4579)

On 10/29/2013 at 1:01pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Wisconsin)

Today, my husband and I were arguing, but I dropped it so we could calm down before discussing the matter again. Later on, he made us lasagna. The moment I swallowed the first mouthful, he smirked, then started snickering uncontrollably. What the fuck did he do to my food? FML

#20942539
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42404) - you deserved it (4565)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:34pm - health - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
170 comments

I agree, your life sucks (78555) - you deserved it (4547)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, my 8-year-old came home from school crying. Apparently her teacher told the whole class to write about how they felt when they learned that Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy weren't real. FML

#20942077
276 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49575) - you deserved it (4413)

On 11/02/2013 at 12:19am - kids - by SantaClaus - United States (California)

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

#20942318
51 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51239) - you deserved it (4096)

On 11/02/2013 at 9:21am - intimacy - by justme - United States (Ohio)

Today, I got my cats a new scratching post. They completely ignored it and tore apart the new felt on my pool table. FML

#20938376
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32580) - you deserved it (3923)

On 10/29/2013 at 8:41pm - animals - by Nish (man) - United States (Washington)

Today, I put a picture of my cat on Facebook. A stranger sent me a message saying how "attractive" she was and that her eyes are "very seductive". So, basically, someone is trying to hit on my cat. FML

#20938804
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37205) - you deserved it (3883)

On 10/30/2013 at 3:03am - animals - by meow (woman) - United States

Today, I got knocked over at the park by a rampant dog. My fiancé stood by laughing his ass off as I repeatedly tried to stand up, only to be knocked back down again. I'm seven months pregnant. FML

#20943386
197 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62852) - you deserved it (3791)

On 11/03/2013 at 2:21am - love - by StrandedWhale (woman) - United Kingdom

Today, I broke my tooth nearly in half. On a completely unrelated note, the Jew's Harp is my new least-favorite instrument. FML

Today, I came home to find my 14-year-old son attempting to get drunk off aftershave. FML

#20944161
119 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36473) - you deserved it (3716)

On 11/03/2013 at 5:27pm - kids - by don'tdrinkthat - United States (Illinois)

Today, while working customer service, I instructed a customer to press the pound key on her cellphone. She hesitated a moment before asking, "Um, the pound key? You mean the hashtag, right?" FML

#20941322
191 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39455) - you deserved it (3656)

On 11/01/2013 at 12:49pm - work - by #isthisthepoundkey? - United States (Florida)

Today, my professor tried to scare the hiccups out of me. Some pee came out instead. FML

#20937069
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36130) - you deserved it (3610)

On 10/28/2013 at 6:39pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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