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Monday 28 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I found out my 13-year-old daughter thinks the showerhead got her pregnant. FML

Today, my boss came around to my way of thinking. He called our customers a "bunch of assholes" and to kick them out if they gave me trouble. When a lady began yelling at me for "setting the damn prices too high" I told her to leave. My boss soon bitched me out for being unprofessional. FML

#20941693
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39204) - you deserved it (7341)

On 11/01/2013 at 6:47pm - work - by choke on a dick, sir (woman) - United States (Maine)

Today, I decided to get over my lifelong fear of Michael Jackson. I went to have my photo taken with a statue of him. Little did I know, for Halloween week they replace the statues with real people. It jumped out at me; I'm never getting over this fear. FML

#20939955
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44266) - you deserved it (6861)

On 10/31/2013 at 4:41am - misc - by Shady_Soldier - United Kingdom

Today, I could think of more 'pros' than 'cons' for why I should start drinking again. FML

Today, my husband was getting undressed. I told my 2-year-old daughter not to go in our bedroom because he was undressing in there. I turned my back and she instantly ran off to my bedroom. I heard her shout "I can see daddy's tail!" Now, she points to everyone's crotch and shouts "TAIL!" FML

#20943580
147 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51985) - you deserved it (6658)

On 11/03/2013 at 9:22am - kids - by KittyKat (woman) - United Kingdom (Milton Keynes)

Today, I got a new cell phone number and sent a text to my wife. Playing around, I said, "Hey sexy are you alone yet? I'm ready to come over." She responded with, "Hey, yeah he is at work - did you get a new number?" FML

#20941049
175 comments

I agree, your life sucks (91567) - you deserved it (6646)

On 11/01/2013 at 3:01am - intimacy - by PapaW - United States (Utah)

Today, I was talking to my boyfriend, feeling pretty low. I said something along the lines of "You like me even when I look like shit." He replied, "Ah, that's just how you naturally look." FML

#20942129
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40399) - you deserved it (6620)

On 11/02/2013 at 1:06am - love - by lucy_g (woman) - United States

Today, like every other day, my daughter thinks that degrading skinny people is very "non-conformist" and "edgy". This time, though, a slightly slim girl punched her in the face when she accused her of being anorexic. Now people think I gave my daughter her new black eye. FML

#20942627
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41662) - you deserved it (6590)

On 11/02/2013 at 2:46pm - kids - by curvster daughter (man) - United States

Today, I sat down with my daughter to have the sex talk, because she recently started seeing a guy. I mentioned at one point how disappointed I would be if she got pregnant. She went wide-eyed and asked, "Didn't mom tell you?" FML

#20942769
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57926) - you deserved it (6041)

On 11/02/2013 at 5:10pm - kids - by unknown (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told the man my girlfriend has been cheating on me with all about her infidelity. He didn't get angry; he just said that he knew, that they were in an open relationship, and that I was pretty stupid to have not figured it out sooner. FML

#20941848
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43816) - you deserved it (5989)

On 11/01/2013 at 9:20pm - love - by Anonymous (man) - United Kingdom (Hampshire)

Today, I gave a short presentation at a neighborhood watch event to raise awareness of pickpocketing and to give tips on how to avoid becoming a victim of it. After I got back home, I realized my wallet was missing from my pocket. FML

#20940212
43 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36598) - you deserved it (5765)

On 10/31/2013 at 12:58pm - work - by "ironyyyyyyy" -_- (man) - United States (Virginia)

Today, while driving in the car with my father, he handed me his iPhone and asked me to Google "Is ObamaCare good for our country?" As soon as I typed in "Is", the first result was "Is olive oil good for anal." FML

#20942318
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59392) - you deserved it (5651)

On 11/02/2013 at 9:21am - intimacy - by justme - United States (Ohio)

Today, some kid asked me if I was Mexican. After I explained to him that I was actually Venezuelan, he simply snorted and said, "That's the same f*cking thing. If you speak Spanish then you're Mexican." FML

#20939700
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49564) - you deserved it (5614)

On 10/30/2013 at 10:59pm - misc - by Rinelric1998 (man) - United States (North Carolina)



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