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Monday 28 October 2013

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Today, while I was working out, I was listening to music with my earbuds in. The Pokémon theme started playing and I begun singing along. It wasn't too long after that I remembered I was in a crowded gym on a military base. FML

by GymBattle / 10/31/2013 at 7:18pm / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, I woke up late and had to rush to catch my bus. Upon arriving at school, I was hot from running and took off my sweater. It was then, in a lecture hall with 400 people, that I realised I hadn't put a shirt on underneath. FML

by barebackingit / 11/04/2013 at 2:17pm / Canada (Ontario) / Miscellaneous

Today, an old man looked me dead in the eyes as he reached into my tip jar, grabbed the money, and then walked out of the store as if nothing ever happened. I was so shocked that I couldn't do anything to stop him. FML

by brokeasajoke / 11/01/2013 at 8:58am / United States (Oklahoma) / Money

Today, I'm severely sunburned and can barely walk properly. My boyfriend keeps telling his friends that it's because of "how hard he gave it to me last night". FML

by snowwhite / 10/28/2013 at 12:51am / Australia (New South Wales) / Intimacy

Today, I had to take my 15-year-old son to the hospital. He'd gone out dressed as some My Little Pony character and encountered someone who'd had the same idea. They then got into a fistfight, and my son got the shit beaten out of him. I wish I'd never bred. FML

by anna / 10/31/2013 at 2:27pm / United States (Mississippi) / Kids

Today, while researching tea etiquette for Sunday's tea, I read, "to put milk in your tea before sugar is to cross the path of love, perhaps never to marry." I suddenly panicked that this very lack of knowledge is why I haven't met a man who wants to marry me, and that I never will. I'm only 23. FML

by Anonymous / 10/31/2013 at 9:11pm / United States (Washington) / Love

Today, my car keys are in my house and my house keys are in my car, and I'm in neither. FML

by Argh / 11/03/2013 at 3:18pm / France (Poitou-Charentes) / Miscellaneous

Today, my mom got drunk at our family reunion and told everyone how worried she is that my "excessive masturbation" would damage the nerves in both my dick and arm. FML

by goodgrief / 10/30/2013 at 2:28pm / United States (California) / Intimacy

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

by PIGaming / 10/28/2013 at 1:35am / Australia (Victoria) / Kids

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I found out that my sex face is definitely amusing after the third girl in a row started laughing at it. FML

by UnfortunatelyAmusing / 11/04/2013 at 7:25pm / United States (New Jersey) / Intimacy

Today, I found out that, although I have the same job title and complete the same work as my male colleagues, I get paid 15% less, purely because I'm a girl. FML

by Anonymous / 10/30/2013 at 6:27pm / United Kingdom (Havering) / Work

Today, I had a panic attack when a huge spider ran over my hand. I screamed, wailed, and killed it with a shoe while shouting. Ten minutes later, police slammed on my door. My neighbor called them, saying it sounded like someone was being murdered. FML

by katchoo / 11/03/2013 at 2:34am / Denmark / Animals

Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML

by Anonymous / 11/02/2013 at 4:23pm / Ireland / Miscellaneous