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Monday 21 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got married. My husband and I had been waiting until marriage to have sex, and when the time came, we started to undress. As I took my bra off, his eyes glazed over, and he fainted. An hour later, all he could say was, "I don't think we're meant to be together." FML

#20936013
248 comments

I agree, your life sucks (69955) - you deserved it (9203)

On 10/27/2013 at 7:46pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
164 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53951) - you deserved it (9103)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I had an anxiety attack when I learned that my favorite book series is coming to the end. I had to leave the store and sit in my car. FML

#20930715
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39658) - you deserved it (8713)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:43am - health - by Anonymous - Canada (Manitoba)

Today, l grounded my 17-year-old son from his computer because of his terrible attitude towards his homework. As payback, he convinced my 5-year-old daughter that if she goes to sleep, she'll never wake up. I now have a hysterical and sleepless child to deal with. FML

Today, a friend sent me to a guy he knows who repairs various electronics for a very low price. Good news: he fixed my malfunctioning iPad. Bad news: it took me several hours to notice that he'd carved the words DOUCHE and HIPSTER into the back panel. FML

#20934676
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39807) - you deserved it (7576)

On 10/26/2013 at 3:48pm - money - by fuckyouverymuch - United States (California)

Today, my dog got out of the house. I was running after him and remembered the old "pretend you're hurt" trick. I got on the ground, and cried out as if I was hurt. My dog just kept running. FML

Today, my boyfriend and I watched Star Trek Into Darkness together. He liked it so much that he's now chosen to yell "KHAAANNNNN!" as he cums. FML

#20933461
92 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45419) - you deserved it (7043)

On 10/25/2013 at 1:17pm - intimacy - by NOKHAN (woman) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

#20928538
82 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35791) - you deserved it (7002)

On 10/21/2013 at 2:53am - health - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my dog had an upset stomach and diarrhea. To avoid a mess on the carpet, I confined her to a gated area in the kitchen with sheets over the floor, so any mess could be cleaned up easily. Instead of going on the sheets, she sprayed shit all up the walls. FML

#20933932
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46357) - you deserved it (6928)

On 10/25/2013 at 9:50pm - animals - by kiwibox - United Kingdom (Suffolk)

Today, I had my first interview in over a year. I panicked and passed out. FML

#20932303
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41444) - you deserved it (6173)

On 10/24/2013 at 11:52am - work - by s13495 (man) - United Kingdom (Kingston upon Hull, City of)

Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML

#20932595
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51638) - you deserved it (6047)

On 10/24/2013 at 5:26pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, I witnessed my boyfriend taking a dump in the litter box. He said he wanted to know what it felt like for the cat. FML

#20930986
137 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47905) - you deserved it (5669)

On 10/23/2013 at 12:04pm - animals - by Anonymous - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I reminded my husband that I was on my period, so he wouldn't try to fool around with me. A few hours later, his goldfish-like memory kicked in and he stuck his hand down my pants while we were going to bed. I was wearing a maxi pad. FML

#20935542
158 comments

I agree, your life sucks (58770) - you deserved it (5600)

On 10/27/2013 at 11:26am - intimacy - by SharkWeek (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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