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Monday 14 October 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I got stuck in the bathroom with no toilet paper. I had to reach into my small trash can and use soiled toilet paper to clean myself. When I went to flush the toilet, I noticed three unused rolls of toilet paper sitting on the counter. FML

Today, after applying at over 30 businesses over the past 6 months, I have had not one single call. I later find out that I was using my old phone number on the applications, and my secondary phone was my mom's. She thought they were telemarketers. FML

#20922298
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24682) - you deserved it (41131)

On 10/16/2013 at 12:40am - work - by LFE - United States (Texas)

Today, I woke up with a raging hangover. I soon checked my phone, only to find that I'd drunkenly sent nude pictures to several friends' numbers, as well as to my own. I'd then replied to my own message, saying that I'm not gay and telling myself to fuck off. FML

#20925183
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27297) - you deserved it (39160)

On 10/18/2013 at 1:30pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I realized I can't wait until my daughter moves out the house when she is 18. She is eight. FML

#20923587
162 comments

I agree, your life sucks (37119) - you deserved it (26974)

On 10/17/2013 at 1:51am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, I let a friend cut my hair. I soon went from having a 'fro to looking like I lost a fight with a lawn mower. FML

#20923915
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32508) - you deserved it (16290)

On 10/17/2013 at 12:12pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, it hit me that I'm incredibly pathetic, when at the age of 21, I tucked my stuffed animals into bed with me, facing in different directions so they could keep watch for monsters while I slept. FML

#20922788
257 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43723) - you deserved it (14490)

On 10/16/2013 at 2:48pm - misc - by SaveMeTeddy (woman) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I tried Ambien for the first time. I now have to apologize to most of my exes for excessively rambling emails about getting together for some naked Twister. FML

#20929399
99 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31635) - you deserved it (10644)

On 10/21/2013 at 8:12pm - health - by OutOfMyMind (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I found out my handwriting is so bad that people think I write in Arabic. FML

#20922701
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41753) - you deserved it (9356)

On 10/16/2013 at 1:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Michigan)

Today, the kid next to me asked me, in all seriousness, if gay people have feelings like regular people. I'm gay, and I have to sit next to this barnacle until June. FML

#20929195
157 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49197) - you deserved it (8413)

On 10/21/2013 at 5:22pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (New York)

Today, I noticed that my sweat smelled like cat food. FML

#20928538
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33208) - you deserved it (6582)

On 10/21/2013 at 2:53am - health - by anonymous - United Kingdom (London, City of)

Today, my five-year-old daughters realized that if one of them rang the doorbell, it would keep me distracted long enough for the other one to steal cookies from the kitchen. FML

#20922561
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46953) - you deserved it (6539)

On 10/16/2013 at 9:33am - kids - by TiredMum - United States (Washington)

Today, I was at the dentist. I ended up having some work done and left with a numb mouth. I have school pictures in less than 2 hours and I can neither smile nor stop drooling everywhere. FML

#20920258
112 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43085) - you deserved it (6534)

On 10/14/2013 at 3:32pm - health - by soccer_bball (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, my job application got denied once again. I looked over it, and saw that my roommate added "screwing over customers" and "hiding dead bodies" under my skills. FML

#20927127
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (43770) - you deserved it (6507)

On 10/20/2013 at 2:21am - work - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)



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