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Monday 7 October 2013

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Today, I was cuddling my new boyfriend, when he went in to kiss me for the first time. Sadly, I reflexively kneed him in the balls. FML

by fuck.jpg.bmp.gif.rar.zip.shit / 10/12/2013 at 4:28pm / New Zealand (Auckland) / Love

Today, in revenge for me pulling the old salt-in-the-soda prank on him, my dad showed up at my college dressed in a tight blouse and miniskirt, demanding that I come home early with him. I think I'm going to be lynched next time I go to class. FML

by HSampsON / 10/13/2013 at 5:20pm / Niger (Niamey) / Miscellaneous

Today, after almost 2 days, I finally fell asleep, during my husband's vows, on our wedding day, in front of 250 guests. FML

by angryinlaws / 10/12/2013 at 3:23am / Canada (Ontario) / Love

Today, feeling bored and lonely, I drove into town to wander around the shops and go to Subway for lunch. While there, I picked up two trays and put one on the opposite side of the table, along with some of my rubbish, to make it look like I was with someone. FML

by FriutlessApple / 10/11/2013 at 11:18am / United Kingdom / Miscellaneous

Today, I jokingly told my friend that I was the kid who stole his brand new glow-in-the-dark markers back in kindergarten. Now he's ignoring my texts and calls and says we're through. So much for our twelve years of friendship. FML

by markerThief / 10/13/2013 at 12:33am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I got so self-conscious about weight gain that I got paranoid about how much my Castle Crashers character was eating to heal. FML

by SunshineX7 / 10/09/2013 at 12:22am / United States (Missouri) / Health

Today, I got my daughter's school pictures. Instead of smiling, she did the duck face. She's 6. FML

by Anonymous / 10/08/2013 at 5:16pm / United States (Illinois) / Kids

Today, I realized I can't afford to break up with my boyfriend of 2 years, as we split the rent. I'll need a second job just to get out of my bad relationship. FML

by emopoe / 10/09/2013 at 2:25pm / United States (Oregon) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I faceplanted. I was going to say "F*ck you" and "I will kill you". It came out as "I will f*ck you." He's still laughing. FML

by Ashley / 10/07/2013 at 2:11am / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, my boyfriend blew me off yet again because he claims he has a responsibility as a "crew leader" to train and recruit members at all times, to accommodate all time zones. GTA V is ruining our relationship. FML

by carla6991 / 10/09/2013 at 4:16pm / United States (Florida) / Love

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I again failed to convince my girlfriend that the $100 in our account is the minimum amount we have keep there to avoid being charged by the bank. We have a joint checking account, and the only way to take her off it is to close the account outright. FML

by BlindInTheDark / 10/09/2013 at 2:02pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Money

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I went home after work with my best friend who I am also secretly in love with. We had a few drinks, were getting touchy, and one thing led to another. Before leaving, I got the courage to ask her out on a real date. Her only reply was, "I don't want to lose such a good friend." FML

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

by Ixiion / 10/09/2013 at 1:26pm / United States (New York) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.