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Tuesday 17 September 2013

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Today, while riding the bus, the person next to me broke into a coughing fit. Fortunately, he covered his mouth. Unfortunately, he used my arm. FML

by -.- / 09/20/2013 at 7:58pm / United States (California) / Transportation

Today, I found out I was adopted when my drunk dad made a terrible Star Wars joke. FML

by theynamedmeluke / 09/23/2013 at 6:49pm / United States (Texas) / Miscellaneous

Today, it was my first day closing alone at a pet store when a lady came in wanting to return a bird she bought months ago. Once I informed her there were no returns on livestock, she let the bird free and ran out the door, leaving me to catch it and explain to my manager where it came from. FML

by tay / 09/17/2013 at 11:44am / Canada (Ontario) / Work

Today, I had to explain to my grandfather that Canadians aren't evil by reminding him that he's Canadian. FML

by Anonymous / 09/17/2013 at 10:21am / United States / Miscellaneous

Today, my colleagues and I found out that our boss has been taking business advice from an astrologer as well as a soothsayer. FML

by CrystalsDontWork / 09/18/2013 at 2:34am / United States (Texas) / Work

Today, a co-worker described, in vivid detail in the middle of the office, how he dribbles after peeing, and often has a burning sensation. FML

by out_of_my_head / 09/19/2013 at 5:55am / United States / Work

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, for the fifth day in a row, I have awoken at 6am to the sounds of my roommate's guest's child screaming. If it's anything like the last four days, the child will continue to randomly screech every fifteen minutes or so for the next five hours. I work 13-hour night shifts. FML

by Anonymous / 09/22/2013 at 7:36am / United States (Florida) / Kids

Today, a lady stormed into the pharmacy I work at and chewed me out because the medicine I sold her the day before gave her horrible diarrhea as a "side effect". I checked, and it was the medicine she asked for - laxatives. FML

by anonymous / 09/16/2013 at 1:35am / United States (Oregon) / Health

Today, I asked my dad why he only has pictures of me from when I was a little kid. Without skipping a beat, he said, "I only keep pictures from when I liked you." FML

by Anonymous / 09/24/2013 at 3:23am / United States (Nebraska) / Miscellaneous