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Tuesday 17 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

#20892563
50 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33554) - you deserved it (5262)

On 09/23/2013 at 1:48am - kids - by numbnuts (man) - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, I told my boyfriend I loved him. He told me he was a dinosaur. FML

#20883504
121 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40600) - you deserved it (5165)

On 09/16/2013 at 7:09am - love - by Kit (woman) - United Kingdom (Swindon)

Today, I walked in on my daughter shaving the testicles of her boyfriend, who had apparently snuck in through her window. FML

#20888905
106 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50453) - you deserved it (5069)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:30pm - intimacy - by disappointed (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my enjoyment of popping bubble wrap was yet again ruined by my excessive OCD tendencies. FML

#20887677
57 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33248) - you deserved it (5049)

On 09/19/2013 at 11:18am - health - by BarryShitpeas - United Kingdom (Kent)

Today, I started my new job at a restaurant I really like. As I waited on my first customer, I suggested that he try the apple pie, because it's my favourite. He looked up at me and said, "Yeah? Figures! Lay off 'em, porky!" FML

#20891546
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40399) - you deserved it (4964)

On 09/22/2013 at 2:00pm - work - by -_- (woman) - Canada (Ontario)

Today, being the prank couple that we are, I decided to mess with my husband. When he got off work, I said, "The lady from your office called and said she was pregnant. From you." He immediately broke down crying, and said, "I knew it." Turns out, my fetus already has a sibling. FML

#20889450
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57641) - you deserved it (4792)

On 09/20/2013 at 9:30pm - intimacy - by oops - United States (Texas)

Today, my doctor asked me to undo my bra so he could check my breathing without the straps restricting my lungs, I got home and told my friends how awkward it was. Not one of them has had this happen to them before. We all go to the same doctor. FML

#20883308
199 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50359) - you deserved it (4594)

On 09/16/2013 at 12:35am - health - by chestycough - Australia (New South Wales)

Today, I accidentally punched myself in the mouth while eating a Go-Gurt. I was eating it because I'd just had my wisdom teeth removed. FML

#20886516
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38163) - you deserved it (4414)

On 09/18/2013 at 12:55pm - health - by GogurtBadass - United States (Washington)

Today, my daughter told me she is pregnant. The father is the foreign exchange student who just moved back to Germany. FML

#20887524
151 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47578) - you deserved it (4356)

On 09/19/2013 at 6:30am - kids - by monkey (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I went on a blind date. He showed up in a shirt that read, "I f*ck on first dates". FML

#20888198
76 comments

I agree, your life sucks (44575) - you deserved it (4277)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:20pm - intimacy - by ughreally (woman) - United States (Minnesota)

Today, I walked in on my girlfriend having sex with another man. Her main reaction was to get mad at me for not knocking. FML

#20893002
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54363) - you deserved it (4274)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:06pm - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (Washington)

Today, one of my regular customers asked when we were getting married. I told him as much as I would love that, I didn't think my boyfriend would be very happy. He called me a "stuck up b*tch" and informed me he only comes to my line because he can always see through my shirt. He is 72. And married. FML

#20892597
80 comments

I agree, your life sucks (38497) - you deserved it (4256)

On 09/23/2013 at 2:27am - work - by peejay6831 (woman) - United States

Today, my husband refused to let our 7-week-old daughter have a pacifier, because he doesn't want her growing up to be a "whore." FML

#20891477
165 comments


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