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Saturday 14 September 2013

Top of the day | Top of the week | Top of the month | All time

Today, I went to a suicide prevention walk with a girl I like. Before the walk, we bought balloons to set free when they called the names of the deceased. To buy a balloon, you had to write a name on a sheet. Apparently, you weren't supposed to write your own. They called my name. FML

#20874883
59 comments

I agree, your life sucks (39385) - you deserved it (12688)

On 09/09/2013 at 7:58pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)

Today, I came out of the closet. Now whenever I'm getting ready to go somewhere with my dad he says, "Lesgo, lesbo." FML

#20876692
173 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55992) - you deserved it (12577)

On 09/11/2013 at 2:17am - misc - by spiritbeast33 (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was at work at Krispy Kreme for national "talk like a pirate" day. If you dressed like a pirate you'd get a free dozen donuts. A man came in with just an eyepatch on. Thinking he was trying to get a free dozen, I told him he needed to try harder. Turned out the eyepatch was real. FML

#20888238
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (45058) - you deserved it (12486)

On 09/19/2013 at 8:47pm - work - by Jamie - United States (Virginia)

Today, I hooked up with the guy I've liked for a while, even though my friends joked that his large pickup truck meant that he was "compensating" for having a small penis. They were right. Very right. FML

#20876171
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55514) - you deserved it (12210)

On 09/10/2013 at 8:14pm - intimacy - by CityBoysNow - United States (Missouri)

Today, I offered to help out at my grandpa's farm, and he had me load buckets of water into his trunk. When he came by and saw me struggling to lift a bucket, he sneered, called me a moron for filling it up before putting it in the truck, and told me to just go home. FML

#20889129
48 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34264) - you deserved it (11470)

On 09/20/2013 at 4:31pm - misc - by fuckwank (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, at my boyfriend's brother's house, I desperately needed to poop. After finishing my business, I realized the toilet wouldn't flush. I had to pull my poop out, wrap it in TP and make an excuse to go outside to throw it in a bush. The neighbor was watching. FML

#20874714
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (42441) - you deserved it (11468)

On 09/09/2013 at 6:05pm - misc - by heyhijello - United States (California)

Today, as I was getting my nails done at a salon, the owner pulled my head back against the chair in front of all the customers and began to tweeze my eyebrows. When I exclaimed that I didn't pay for that service, she replied, "I don't care. This needs done." FML

#20882967
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40121) - you deserved it (11413)

On 09/15/2013 at 9:21pm - misc - by BaMiTsAnYa (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, my husband wanted me to "spice up" our sex life. I guess he didn't count on me vomiting when he came in my mouth. We won't be getting intimate again for a long, long time now. FML

#20888582
194 comments

I agree, your life sucks (50214) - you deserved it (11265)

On 09/20/2013 at 12:57am - intimacy - by Anonymous - United States (California)

Today, my girlfriend came home with a huge bouquet of roses. They were from an admirer, brainwashing her to think I'm a terrible boyfriend for not buying her flowers like he did. FML

#20883435
116 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41370) - you deserved it (11245)

On 09/16/2013 at 3:26am - love - by Oh hells no (man) - United States (California)

Today, I told my mom that I want to try out for a singing competition on TV, so I might be able to kick off my musical career. She convinced me to sing a song for her, so I did. Mid-way through, she lost it, burst into laughter, and told me to stay in school. FML

#20890415
94 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36493) - you deserved it (11123)

On 09/21/2013 at 4:56pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I started my new job. Only after I met my new boss did I realise I've met him before. He was at my friend's party last month, the only time in my life when I got so wasted that I danced on a table before puking on myself. He remembers me, too. FML

#20886598
52 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41194) - you deserved it (11066)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:31pm - work - by Anoymous (woman) - Slovakia (Bratislava)

Today, while chatting with a friend online, I told her that Kristen Stewart isn't going to star in the 50 Shades movie as she originally thought. She then spammed me with so many "NO"/"NO WAY" messages that my crappy laptop froze up, forcing me to reboot and lose a ton of unsaved essay notes. FML

#20879898
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40115) - you deserved it (11055)

On 09/13/2013 at 5:31pm - misc - by CHEERS, TUMBLTARD (woman) -

Today, I found a pamphlet for alcohol counseling on my front door today. I think it was from the guys who pick up my recycling. FML

#20886188
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36786) - you deserved it (11016)

On 09/18/2013 at 2:19am - health - by I get the hint -



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